


i'll spend forever wondering if you knew (i was enchanted to meet you)

by sowish



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, chuulip is a side ship so dont expect much, heejin is a model, heejin is the prettiest human being she has ever seen, hyunjin is a big dumb dumb in this, hyunjin is a photographer, hyunlip dated for like 2 seconds but were like .. .. . naaah, if you see me inserting my other ult fandoms just go along with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22844482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: according to hyunjin, as a photographer, humans are an art meant to be captured for their stories to be told. heejin is hyunjin's greatest masterpiece.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Kim Hyunjin/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Kim Jiwoo | Chuu/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 9
Kudos: 220





	i'll spend forever wondering if you knew (i was enchanted to meet you)

**Author's Note:**

> this was born out of the need to write about heejin wearing that lace blindfold. let's all thank kim for helping me with this and consequently adding more scenes to this piece (i also appreciate the people who voted in my twitter poll <3). title comes from taylor swift's enchanted and a bit of this comes from han river by pro c 
> 
> also hyunlip had to be added to this bc of their fruity voice acting. the translations are pretty much directly from this video https://twitter.com/kminjyus/status/1229848120869060608?s=20
> 
> also a formal note of appreciate to loona scans for giving me the resources to write about heejin's outfits 
> 
> like always, enjoy :D
> 
> PS: TW FOR VERBAL HARASSMENT  
> in the part that has it, im going to note it with a singular bold and end it the same way

Hyunjin likes being behind the camera. She likes looking at beauty and framing it the way she sees it, portraying it in such a way that anybody looking could only gape in awe at her photos. 

She has photographed models before. They were her favorite subjects to photograph. Humans are an art to her—messy, but still, beautiful in all of their limbs that tell their stories and expressions that spoke their emotions without words. 

“Beautiful! Just turn your head the slightest bit to your left.”

The light hits all of the right places when the model follows her instructions, her eyes closed, and head tilted to show her defined jawline. 

“Alright, Chaewon, one more outfit change and you’ll be done for the day.”

The girl in front of her relaxes her shoulders, smiles before bowing, and leaves to change into her final outfit. Reviewing the shots she has just taken, Hyunjin feels a burst of pride bubble in her chest. 

She had captured Chaewon well. The model had a certain aura in front of the camera—unobtainable and lofty in the best way possible. Almost condescending and superior. Sometimes, models have to search for their brand, their look, but, Chaewon seemed to have it in her innately whenever she stepped in front of a camera for pictures. 

Smiling to herself, Hyunjin shook her head at how the model was vastly different from her image. In real life, as Hyunjin has come to learn after photographing her for prior shoots, the girl was goofy and sweet after breaking out of her shy shell. Chaewon had a charming crooked smile and bright eyes when she laughed. Where she looks composed and cold in front of the camera, she enchants those who look. She catches attention with her poised expression and keeps them there with her cold and empty eyes (they always told a story that had people eager to learn more). Behind the camera, however, she is warmer, her eyes full of life. 

Granted, Chaewon did the bulk of Hyunjin’s job by modeling so well, but, Hyunjin has the affirmation that she elevates her performance, that she shows Chaewon exactly the way she wants to be shown. 

When the model comes back, she is dressed in a pretty yellow dress with white frills at the Peter Pan collar. Photographing Chaewon, there is something haunting about the contrast of the bright and lively color of her dress between her lifeless eyes and the grim line her lips sit in. 

Chaewon is a box of juxtaposition and paralleled lines that will never meet, no matter how similar. Every single part of her shots tells a story, down from the lighting to how she instructs Chaewon to pose.

It’s what makes Hyunjin so good. She can tell a story without words just as Chaewon can do the same with her body. 

After Chaewon leaves in her comfy clothes and crooked smile following her, Hyunjin can only review the pictures and beam.

Humans are an art, and certainly, Chaewon is one to admire.

~.~.~

Smelling the coffee in front of her and breathing in a sense of life into her sleepy body and mind, Hyunjin almost melts into the seat of her chair. In front of her, scattered pictures from Chaewon’s shoot from a couple of days ago decorate the desktop of her laptop. 

“How did Chaewon’s shoot go?”

Sliding into her seat, Jungeun holds four cream cups and two packets of sugar in her hand. Sipping her coffee and grimacing, Jungeun quickly opens the cream cups and sugar packets before dumping them into her coffee. (Today would not be the day that she drinks coffee the way it’s meant to be drunk, bitter and dark).

“Perfect. She always does a good job.”

Jungeun smiles fondly before drinking her coffee again and smiling in content bliss—sugary and sweet just the way she likes it. “I remember her first gig. She was so nervous and awkward at first, but after shaking it off, it was like watching a completely new person.”

Hyunjin hums and smiles at the thought. Jungeun had been the first photographer Chaewon worked with. Usually, her friend is stern and serious behind the camera, completely focused on finishing her job well. But, Jungeun could sense Chaewon’s nerves the moment she stepped into the studio with her hesitant steps and quiet voice, her eyes bouncing from wall to wall to ease the tension in her body. Making the effort to smile warmly at the model before making herself busy with her preparation, she strove to become a friend in Chaewon’s eyes—warm and patient instead of her usual cold and authoritative self. It had been rough at the start, but the photographer could clearly remember the moment Chaewon had risen to the occasion. The way she trained her eyes at camera, how she commanded her body, and how she began to radiate confidence gave Jungeun goosebumps behind the camera. 

To this day, it was one of the shoots that people lauded the most even if Chaewon had countless gigs after Jungeun. 

“Jiwoo’s been talking my ear off about this new model that’s been making a name for herself. If I didn’t know that Jiwoo would literally find a way to bring home the moon for me if I wanted her to, I’d be jealous.”

Jungeun had met Jiwoo at an exhibition three years ago and if Jungeun hadn’t forgotten to ask for her number the night of meeting her, they would have been dating for just as long. Nonetheless, the photographer had gotten lost within their conversation and Jiwoo had been whisked away by her agent before she could even ask. Jungeun spent weeks moping about losing the chance of getting Jiwoo’s number until Hyunjin had snapped at her after her second week of mourning. They had been shacked up at Hyunjin’s place watching some K-Drama, a bowl of popcorn on Hyunjin’s lap when the younger girl almost snapped her neck to scold Jungeun.

_“Holy shit, Jungeun. Just find her Instagram account and DM her.”_

_Jungeun whines again and puts her head on her friend’s shoulder, “What if she doesn’t remember me? Or what if she was just being polite at the party and talking to me because I was lonely? Oh God, what if I annoyed her that night? She wouldn’t want to talk to me, oh my God, I’m so dumb.”_

_Sighing deeply, enough for Jungeun’s head to rise noticeably with her shoulders, Hyunjin runs a hand through the other girl’s hair and begs all of the patience in her to not fail her, “It’s better to try than not at all. Don’t let yourself sit in the discomfort of not knowing. You’ll only torture yourself, you dumb dumb.”_

_Snuggling ever the slightest bit into Hyunjin’s shoulder, the smile on Jungeun’s lips is teasing but soft._

_“Heh, you really care for me, huh?”_

_Hyunjin rolls her eyes and laughs before leaning her head on Jungeun’s._

_“Shut up. I just couldn’t take your whining anymore.”_

_Laughing, Jungeun pulls out her phone and searches for Jiwoo on Instagram, “You act as if you didn’t like me too once upon a time. You even dated me!”_

_Hyunjin closes her eyes, almost like a grimace, “Hey! You’re the one who confessed. And plus, I clearly didn’t know what I was thinking.”_

_Jungeun jerks her head up in offense and puts her hand on her heart in mock pain, “If I remember correctly, you even swooned!”_

_The other girl crosses her arms and turns her head away, as if being indifferent. “Anyone would swoon if you confessed to them.” Adopting her friend’s tone and mimicking her, Hyunjin reanimates the moment when she tucks her hair behind her ear and ducks her head, lifting her eyes the slightest bit—the perfect imitation of Jungeun confessing to her best friend back in high school._

_“Before, I didn’t have the courage so I couldn’t tell you, but I waited a long time for you.” Fiddling with her hands and ignoring how Jungeun starts to screech with embarrassment, “Kim Hyunjin, I like you. It might sound weird, but when you were away, a lot of people confessed to me. But, seeing them made me want to do the same. I wanted to be honest.”_

_At this point, Jungeun’s hands are on her ears as she shakes her head, tears coming from her eyes from laughing too hard when Hyunjin continues, “I’m not saying we should go out now—I just wanted to let you know how I felt.”_

_Holding her stomach from how it aches after all of the laughing and hiding her flushed cheeks, she brings her legs close to her chest as she rests her chin on them and softly speaks when her laughing fades, “You said you liked me too.”_

_When Hyunjin relaxes into the couch and closes her eyes, her voice is soft too. Fond. “I did like you. A lot. I tried confessing so many times, but it never went the way I planned. And then you just went for it and there we were.”_

_Jungeun sighs and looks at her blinking cursor, the page for Jiwoo’s DM staring blankly at her. “I’m glad that we dated to figure out we were better off as friends.”_

_Hyunjin stops flipping through the channels of their TV and takes the time to really look at her friend._

_Jungeun had been Hyunjin’s friend since middle school. She grew out her horrid years of trying to fit in with a crowd that wasn’t meant for her, stayed by her in high school while she figured out what she liked—who she liked—all while cheering for her while Hyunjin competed in various sports. Following Hyunjin to college and coincidentally majoring in Photography and minoring in Journalism with her, the universe had their lives measured up together. Hyunjin supposes that if there was one single person who knew her better than herself, it’d be Jungeun. She was everything Hyunjin needed in different parts of her life—a friend, a lover, a confidant._

_(There couldn’t be anyone else who Hyunjin would have wanted or needed when she was growing up. But she grew. So did Jungeun. Instead of becoming what the other needed, they became what they wanted. Dating Jungeun had been good. It showed Hyunjin what being truly loved felt like. Still, time showed that they weren’t the ones to fill each other’s respective hearts._

_Yes, Hyunjin is glad she tried it with Jungeun._

_She’d never regret that. And neither would Jungeun)._

_“Hurry up and message her. You never know what it could do.”_

_And so, Jungeun did._

**_kim_jungeun98:_ ** _Hi Jiwoo! It’s Jungeun! We met at the exhibition a couple of weeks ago and I’m really hoping you remember me, but, if you don’t and this is weird, just leave me on read and I’ll get the message. Either way, I really liked talking with you that night and I was wondering if we could get coffee some time?_

_On Jungeun’s fourth phone check (within that same hour), a part of her deflates when “Seen” appears under her message._

_At least she tried right?_

_Before she can lock her phone, a grey speech bubble pops into a message littered with happy emojis._

**_jiwoo_0_ :_ ** _i remember you! i’m really glad you found me bc i couldnt find you at all :,(_

 **_jiwoo_0_ :_ ** _and i would Love to get coffee with you :D_

 **_jiwoo_0_ :_ ** _is friday good with you???_

_Unable to stop the beaming smile that erupts from her lips, Jungeun throws her head back in relief before typing again._

**_kim_jungeun98:_ ** _Friday is perfect :]_

Forcing herself to think, Hyunjin comes up empty, “There are always new models trying to make a name for themselves—you gotta be specific with me.” 

Jungeun quickly searches through her phone and flips it to show Hyunjin, “Her name is Jeon Heejin. She has always been modelling but she officially started almost a year ago. She scored a gig with innisfree in her first couple of months— _that’s_ how good she is.”

She’s gorgeous. Hyunjin surmises that, of course, she’s gorgeous. She’s a model for God’s sake. 

Hyunjin doesn’t know if Heejin was just that beautiful or if she just photographed extremely well, “She’s pretty. And it looks like she knows what to do in front of a camera.”

“Don’t you wanna work with her?”

Hyunjin hums a bit and imagines working with her.

She could be pleasant and warm, kind and receptive. Or, she could be snooty and pretentious like other models that Hyunjin has worked with that achieved stardom quickly.

A pretty smile and good photos are more than enough to hide a shitty personality. (It’s always hard to work with models that looked at their staff and Hyunjin’s down the nose. Quite frankly, it was aggravating to work with models that stuck their heads too far up their asses, but, it’s not like Hyunjin could argue or complain to anyone but Jungeun and her coworkers—she _is_ making money after all).

“If she’s not a total bitch, sure. It’d be cool.”

Jungeun slings her arms on the head of the chair next to her and takes a gulp of her coffee, “I have it on good word that she is as pleasant as daisies.”

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow and briefly looks up from her screen to catch Jungeun’s eyes, “Jiwoo’s word?”

Her friend nods her head in absolute resolution. “I did say good, didn’t I?”

Shutting her laptop, packing it, and killing the rest of her coffee, Hyunjin shrugs on her jacket before scoffing playfully, “Shut up, loser. I’ll see you later?”

Jungeun waves her hand and hurries a reply before drinking her coffee again, “Jiwoo’s expecting you to meet up with us at dinner so you better!”

~.~.~

Her shoot tonight is outdoors—it’s chilly and unconventional, but, Hyunjin likes the challenge, likes branching out to establish herself as a lucrative asset. She is setting up her camera when there is a light tap on her shoulder.

“Miss Hyejoo, the designer wants you to wear this instead.”

Turning around with mild confusion on her face, the intern seems to go into shock before apologizing profusely, “I’m so sorry Miss Hyunjin! You and Miss Hyejoo look so similar from the back; I mistook you for her.” Before the girl can bow in apology, Hyunjin is laughing and reassuring her.

“Yeojin, it’s okay! It could happen to anyone! But hurry and tell Hyejoo before they send her out.”

Bowing again in courtesy, Hyunjin only barely adds in, “And please call me Hyunjin! Being called “Miss” makes me feel old!” When Yeojin smiles back at her, the photographer likes the unbridled youth and innocence in her eyes. The industry has not killed her soul yet—Hyunjin wants to protect that.

Sidling up to the girl setting up the lights for the photoshoot, Hyunjin helps her adjust the height of it when she can’t quite reach, “You ready for this one? It’s really different from what we usually do.”

Haseul smiles that charming grin she always smiles, “Yup! I know we can finish up well! I can feel that this one is going to be amazing.”

(Haseul has always been so passionate and selfless with her job. She’d work to her greatest effort in the hardest of conditions with a smile on her face, thankful for having a job at all. Hyunjin thinks that if everyone had Haseul’s heart, work would be more than just work—it’d be a living to be happy to go to. 

But then again, that was what made Haseul so special. Her heart is unlike any other Hyunjin has met).

“Hyejoo takes her job seriously and works well with us. I think we’ll be more than okay.”

Hyejoo had been one of Hyunjin’s first gigs. Hyunjin was that for the model too. Both nervous to do well to impress their superiors, they had the drive to perform and stand out. (Which, they had. Spectacularly. And still do).

When Hyejoo comes out from the dressing room in tight black pants, a white turtleneck, and a blaring red leather jacket, Hyunjin can already feel the aura around them intensify—can feel a certain chill breeze by. Hyejoo has a knack for becoming the energy in the room whenever she wants to. Outside of work when she is not modeling, she is relaxed and easy to please, only needing a game and a controller in her hands to be happy. Yet, when she is in the mindset to model, she assumes her brand like it is her identity. 

She exudes darkness and an addicting discomfort. She commands attention with her silence. Her eyes could be scathing and her body rigid with tension. She has the ability to intimidate Hyunjin behind her camera and change the feeling of the entire photoshoot—make Hyunjin feel like she has done Hyejoo wrong, that she is not just a photographer taking shots of a model. Hyunjin knows that that was what elevated Hyejoo compared to her fellow peers—no one could command a room like Hyejoo. 

Smiling when she welcomes Hyejoo, the model smiles back and the air around her seems a little warmer, “Good to be working with you again, Hyejoo. You ready to set fire to some things?”

The smile on Hyejoo’s lips shapes into a broader grin, mischievous and scheming, “It’s not every day I get to hold a torch of fire. I am _more_ than ready.”

Pointing at the area in front of the camera, Hyunjin instructs the model, “My crew is going to hand you the torch. Keep it pointed down at all times unless I tell you to do differently. When I ask you to lift your arm, do it slowly and keep it at full extension and away from your body.”

When Hyejoo nods eagerly, Hyunjin thinks that not many models would be so brave and excited to hold fire in their hands. Looking around, the model sees various crew members holding fire extinguishers and various first aid. Quipping at the photographer when a crew member hands her the torch, “You sure I’m not gonna burn?”

Hyunjin looks up from her camera with a smirk on her lips, “Pinky promise.”

When Haseul approaches her with a warm smile and a lighter, she soothes the model for extra reassurance, “Hyunjin’s got everything covered and if you ever feel uncomfortable, let us know, slowly put the torch down, and we’ll take a break.” When Hyejoo nods, Haseul clicks the lighter open, “I’m gonna light this, okay?” Hyejoo nods again before closing her eyes. When she opens them, the air around them gets tight, her eyes demanding power and destruction, a glow of hot orange from the fire now grazing her skin.

Recognizing the change in Hyejoo’s eyes, Hyunjin begins the photoshoot. Only needing to instruct Hyejoo to raise her arm, Hyunjin feels goosebumps on her arms when the model looks straight down the lens of her camera with her cold and steely glare.

Before the shoot can end, Hyunjin instructs the girl to throw the torch for a touch of flare for the last set of pictures. Lost in the character that she plays in front of the camera, like a surge of restrained anger, Hyejoo launches the torch into open air. Letting go of it, she feels a weight leave her shoulders, the tension in them melting away like ice on a hot day. When the staff quickly extinguishes the torch and any fires that came of it after Hyunjin signified the end of the photoshoot, the older girl can only clap from behind the camera.

“Hyejoo, I think this might be your best shoot yet.”

The girl smirks, confident and proud because she knows it is her best work yet, “Can’t wait to see what you came up with, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin looks at the monitor set up to view the model’s pictures. When Hyejoo stands beside her, Hyunjin feels pressure sitting on her chest. Hyejoo was exceptional; Hyunjin hopes that she measured up to her performance—it would only be fair that she executed her job just as well as Hyejoo did. 

The girl can only gape at the screen in awe.

“I knew that this shoot was going to be crazy, but, oh my God, Hyunjin, the pictures are mind blowing.”

Internally sighing and patting herself on the back, Hyunjin playfully bumps Hyejoo’s shoulder, “It looks this cool because you _were_ that cool. I only captured the moments.”

Hyejoo scoffs teasingly, “Move your modesty over and owe up to your skill, Hyun. You did a great job.”

Hyunjin flushes at the compliment and smiles before Hyejoo leaves to her trailer to change into her comfortable clothes.

Yeah, Haseul was right. (Of course, she was right. She’s _Haseul_ ). This shoot was amazing. More than amazing.

After having dinner with Jiwoo and Jungeun (and third-wheeling as she usually does), Hyunjin lies in bed that night and thinks about her day. She can’t help but to think that she has the best fucking job in the entire universe.

~.~.~

Walking into her office building with Jungeun and her laptop bag tucked under her arm, it’s not uncommon to see Jinsol perched at Vivi’s desk when she arrives at her own desk. 

(Vivi and Jinsol were Hyunjin’s favorite journalists and editors for the editorial company she worked at. While Jungeun worked with Jinsol more frequently and Hyunjin with Vivi, the writers proved to her that they could beautify the simplest of moments. They had a knack of framing moments to enhance the pictures taken and the subjects in them without taking attention away from them).

Noticing the two girls approaching them, Jinsol’s cheery smile welcomes them, the proud slow drawl of her voice warming Hyunjin’s heart when she speaks to her, “I just saw your shots of Hyejoo and, holy shit, Hyun, they’re incredible! I’m so happy I get to write this article for you.”

The flustered grin that Hyunjin adopts is inevitable when Vivi and Jungeun compliment her too. Setting up at her desk while listening to her coworkers talk, a familiar name comes into conversation.

“Did you hear? Boss Woman’s trying to get Jeon Heejin for a photoshoot.”

Vivi nods excitedly. (Hyunjin likes how her eyes turn into crescents when she smiles). “Everyone’s been wanting her lately. I mean, I get it because she’s so pretty and has shown that she can do multiple concepts extremely well. People say that she’s an absolute dream to work with.”

Jinsol vocalizes an agreement, “Yerim met her once at the grocery store and she said that Heejin had no makeup on and that she was just as pretty in real life and that she was really sweet.”

(God, it’s like everyone in the world has heard of Jeon Heejin before Hyunjin.

What was so great about this model? How did she capture the hearts of thousands, even millions, this easily and so early on into her career? More than anything, Hyunjin wants to find out).

Before Hyunjin can fully settle in at her desk, the commanding sound of heels clicking at the floor gather her attention. In full glory, suited and powerful, the woman who took a chance on Hyunjin and employed her stands by her workspace with a proud smirk. Standing up from her seat to bow, her boss waves her hand in friendly dismissal. 

“Miss Kim, good morning!”

“Good morning, everyone. I am very proud to announce that we will be working with Ha Sooyoung and Jeon Heejin. If you haven’t been living under a rock, you’d know that Heejin is becoming a notable name in the modeling industry.”

(Jungeun nudges at Hyunjin to tease her. So what if she hadn’t heard of the model until this week? Hyunjin likes to blame it on how busy she has been, working on multiple gigs a week, sometimes more than one in a day).

“Ha Sooyoung has always been someone we strove to work with so do not waste this opportunity. I can trust you, Jungeun, to show what we are capable of as a company. Do not let me down.”

The photographer nods in resolution, takes the opportunity as a great honor. (Kim Sojung has been diligently working to assert her company as a valuable and lucrative brand. Fulfilling expectations and exceeding what her peers and competition could ever have for her, persuading Ha Sooyoung’s agency to collaborate with her was a winning game).

“Hyunjin, I trust that Heejin can rely on you to capture her well. Just because she is generating a ton of attention to her name very rapidly doesn’t mean she knows the in’s and out’s of this industry and her craft. We would like to establish a lasting relationship with her and her agency—that would benefit both of us greatly.”

Nodding in a slight bow, Hyunjin wants to do more than impress her boss and the people who will look at her work. She has Heejin to impress too. 

(Hyunjin hopes Heejin can live up to her reputation—it’d be a crushing disappointment if she failed to do so).

Taking it upon herself as a responsibility to research the model she will work with in the future, the tabs of her browser shrink into centimeters by the sheer amount of content published and produced with Jeon Heejin’s name on it. From pictures of a photoshoot to behind the scene videos of her working, Hyunjin notes her strengths and weaknesses. 

Heejin has a good grasp on her body and how to express her story with it. She has a good sense of what to do with her face in certain concepts, how to smile, whether or not she wants to glare at the camera. While there were some shots that appeared to be awkward or unfitting with the theme, Hyunjin knows that she’ll have no problem smoothing those problems over when she works with her. 

(If someone asked Hyunjin, subjectively speaking, she’d say that the model was probably one of the most beautiful women she has ever seen. 

Objectively speaking, well, there’d be no denying that Heejin had impossible beauty).

When Jungeun rolls to Hyunjin’s desk on her chair and looks over her shoulder at her laptop and her copious tabs opened, Hyunjin can already expect the nuisance that she will be, “Thinking about stanning Heejin or something?”

Hyunjin rolls her eyes before scoffing, “You know I like researching on whoever I’m going to be working with.”

Jungeun laughs, too knowingly for Hyunjin’s taste, “Whatever you say, Hyun!”

(Jungeun _did_ know Hyunjin better than anyone else in the world. Perhaps, she is justified in the way that she laughs—as if she’s waiting for Hyunjin to realize something).

Something in Jungeun just knew that this was going to be different, that Heejin is going to be different. Pushed back to her desk by Hyunjin, the girl shoots off a text to her girlfriend before going back to work. 

**_Kim Moomin :3 :_ ** _Bet a dinner and a massage that Hyunjin’s gonna fall for Heejin but it’s gonna take her at least 3 months to ask her out._

**_Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _isn’t it unfair that you’ve been friends with hyun for years??? i bet you know her better than her own family >:(_

 **_Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _but fine_

 **_Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _i bet heejin’s gonna ask her out first bc hyunjin’s too scared to ask a pretty girl out :P_

~.~.~

Hyunjin had to thank her set designers and scouts for their spectacular work. For this photoshoot, they had found a lush and bountiful garden decorated with hedges of dark green leaves, rows and rows of flowers, and mesmerizing rose gardens to follow. 

It was soothing to just stand in the field of grass and breathe—to take in the gentle breeze and the feeling of the sun kissing her skin. If Hyunjin wasn’t working, she’d like to take the time to settle under one of the trees and read a book or take pictures of the nature around her. 

Breaking her out of her revere, Haseul’s voice is bright and warm, a welcomed interruption. “It’s so beautiful here.” Hyunjin nods in agreement as she checks on her camera while the older girl went on. “I suppose our team had to find a place fitting of our model today. I’ve been looking forward to working with Heejin. Vivi’s been bothering me about it enough that I think she’d beat me up to take my spot if she wasn’t in love with me. Even then. Only barely.”

Giggling, like a baby if anyone asked Haseul, Hyunjin scans the garden ahead of her to imagine a ghost of her blueprint for the photoshoot. “Heejin this, Heejin that. I’m looking forward to seeing this girl in action. See if she’s really as good and sweet as everyone says.”

Haseul hums while she watches a white bird settle on the branch of a tree nearby, “Well, she’s good enough for Miss Kim to want her. That should say enough.”

And it certainly did, but that didn’t mean Hyunjin didn’t want to see Heejin working her magic in person. And if humans were an art to Hyunjin, she would want to see this one with her own eyes.

Looking at the watch on her wrist, Hyunjin hoped that Heejin would be ready soon. If they wanted to catch golden hour at an opportune time, the photoshoot should begin as soon as possible. 

“I know you’re worried about the time, Hyun, but it’ll be okay! Heejin is just about done so we can start as soon as she steps-”

Before Haseul can finish comforting Hyunjin, a high-pitched yelp and whining interrupts them. Following the sound, Jeon Heejin sits crouched and covering her head. Hearing Haseul beside her, Hyunjin can sense the slight discomfort in her voice, “Oh my God, there are _so many_ birds.” Looking next to her, Hyunjin can barely catch Haseul’s body shiver at the sight. 

Without thinking twice, Hyunjin begins to approach the model. 

Confident step after confident step, the birds flock away when they sense her arrival. As their wings make the fluttering flapping sound, Heejin yelps once more, burying her head under her arms.

Hyunjin makes a note, _Heejin, afraid of birds_ , before sticking her hand out in greeting.

“Kim Hyunjin, pleasure to finally meet you, Jeon Heejin.”

Royally embarrassed—Hyunjin can tell by her pink flushed cheeks—Heejin dusts off her dress and clears her throat before speaking, “Nice to meet you, Hyunjin. Thank you for working with me.”

(Hyunjin thinks it’s kind of cute when Heejin’s eyes widened at her appearance, as if in shock. Same with her blushing cheeks—it’s endearing.

Hyunjin is beginning to get it now; why Heejin could warm her way into anyone’s heart).

(It’s those big bright eyes, the mole by them, and how her lips curve into an awkward smile). 

“Let’s not delay any longer, Heejin. If we want to get the best out of this shoot, we need to start now. Can I have you by that hedge over where Haseul is at?”

Vocalizing her agreement before bowing to her and later bowing to Haseul when she meets her, it’s been a while since Hyunjin has met someone so polite. (It’s not just Haseul she bows to—to the entirety of the crew that she makes eye contact with, it’s as if her body bows subconsciously, genuine, big, and bright smile to show her appreciation).

Maybe Heejin _is_ just that pleasant to work with.

Getting behind her camera and looking into the lens, it’s as if Heejin transformed into the likes of a Greek goddess in the time that it took for her to get to her position. Elegant and poised, gentle, but still, seemingly untouchable in her grace. Her lips just slightly open, her eyes looking far away, it’s as if she is lost, searching for orientation, hope, and something that can never quite be found. At the slightest adjustment with her hands meeting to hold each other in front of her body, her expression begins to tell another story. Like a queen looking over her kingdom, wistful and ever so regretful, it’s as if she mourns over something she could never begin to reach.

(So not only is Heejin impossibly beautiful in person, she also is one of the most exceptional models Hyunjin has ever had the pleasure of working with. She’s a treasure, a miracle even).

Never really needing to look over her camera to ask for another pose, Hyunjin makes up for what Heejin can't control. Adjusting her position and instructing Haseul to fiddle with the lights as the sun moves, Hyunjin only gives advice on ways to relax Heejin’s body, her shoulders tight with tension. 

“Heejin, you’re doing amazing so far, but take a deep breath for me. Loosen your shoulders and let them relax. Your expressions aren’t matching the rest of your body so do your best to release your nerves.”

As Heejin heaves in a breath of air, her shoulders relaxing as she does, her eyes close to reign in her nerves.

The photo that Hyunjin takes of that moment is breathtaking—Hyunjin doesn’t need to review it on her computer to know that. Call it intuition, skill, or mere guessing, Hyunjin would put her entire career on the line to gamble that that shot might be one of the best she will take for this photoshoot. 

Various positions and settings later, the sun begins to set, a chill making itself present.

Putting her camera down and smiling at the model, Hyunjin checks her watch before speaking, “We have one more big portion to do. Would you like a break before getting changed for it?”

Heejin nods her head gratefully, needing a slight break from the camera. While Hyunjin begins to pack up her equipment, Heejin shrugs on the big parka her manager has ready for her. Watching the photographer, Heejin likes how Hyunjin dances around her space with grace like a practiced dance.

“How long have you been doing this? Photographing?”

Looking up from her camera in surprise, not expecting Heejin to linger by her, “Officially, four, but I’ve always been into photography. It was something I wanted to do the moment I really understood what cameras could do.”

Heejin likes how Hyunjin’s eyes spark to life when she talks about her profession—likes how she is so passionate. 

It’s always refreshing to work with someone who really cares. 

“And what is it that cameras do for you? Yes, they take pictures, but I feel like it has to mean more for you to be so passionate about it.”

Subconsciously, Hyunjin’s eyebrows raise.

Hyunjin hasn’t met a model that cared about what she did so much. It’s as fascinating as it is invigorating. “It’s more than just memories to me. It’s capturing art—no matter how messy or beautiful the subject is, making it into art is what I love about photography.”

A corner of Heejin’s lips rise in a subconscious smile, “So why models?”

Hyunjin stops packing up to really focus on Heejin. She can feel that the girl’s inquisitiveness is more than just formal politeness—it’s genuine interest and intrigue. 

“Models are expected to be perfect for the camera. They are the standards for beauty, the epitome of human existence. But, that’s just it. Models are just as human as me and the people looking at the pictures that I take. They are just as flawed, just as conditioned to living as everyone else. What makes them so interesting is that we beautify them to be flawless, yet, if you look close enough, if the model does their job well, there should be a story of conflict, flaws. It’s more than just consumerism and advertising. It’s the story you have as a character and how we tell it as partners.”

Before Heejin can reply, the sound of her stylists calling for her takes her away. Instead of leaving just as they call for her, Heejin shrugs off her parka. Rather than giving it to her manager who awaits her by the arch of the door leading to the building of the next location, she hands it to Hyunjin, just the slightest bit of shyness showing in her eyes.

“It’s really cold out and you still have a lot to pack up. Please take this.” Before Hyunjin can even refuse her offer, the model is hurrying back inside to get ready for the next part of the shoot. Even as Heejin disappears from her vision, the thought of her is still present in her mind. Wearing the parka now, Hyunjin hates how the lingering smell of the girl makes her shoulders melt in relaxation.

The last person that made her this gooey inside was Jungeun. It has only been hours being with Heejin, only been a single conversation of substance held with her. 

Hyunjin doesn’t like how Heejin already has so much power over her. It’s concerning. It’s too much. 

It’s too much when she has a career to focus on, a future to build, a name to make and maintain.

No, entertaining the thought of Heejin in her life would be too much. If Heejin ever followed the path Jungeun carved, Hyunjin would have to give her all of her time because that was the kind of person Hyunjin was, would need to care for her almost unconditionally. (Love her almost unconditionally). Indeed, Heejin is not right for her. Not when everything Hyunjin does is so consuming. 

(Hyunjin knows that there is a part within her that she despises. It’s the part of her that thinks that _she_ is not right for Heejin. It’s damning insecurity and the darkest part of her mind—it’s the fucking plague to her esteem). 

Taking off Heejin’s parka, the chill that runs through her body is freezing and makes her feel empty.

It has to be the frigid wind. 

It can’t be anything more.

Stopping Hyunjin from losing herself to her thoughts, Haseul nudges her lightly with concern in her eyes. Shaking her head as if to wordlessly say, “I’m okay,” Haseul only raises an eyebrow before leaving Hyunjin be. (Hyunjin could be terribly stubborn when she wanted to be. Forcing her to talk would only bring unwanted messes).

Setting up inside now, Hyunjin takes a moment to fully appreciate the work of her set designers. What was once a mundane studio was now an ornate room with a pristine white bed at the central focus of the shoot. Adjusting the height of her camera, the steady sound of heels magnetizes her attention to the girl wearing them.

Seeing Heejin, she is like the coming of ethereality itself. With her hair in an elegant bun, her earrings dainty pearls, and in white dress that is long in the back but tapered at the front, Heejin is a divine vision. As she spins in request of Haseul complimenting her, the open back of her dress steals any hope of air Hyunjin has left.

She is breathtaking. Absolutely and utterly breathtaking. So much that Hyunjin thinks that no one in the universe could ever possibly deserve to set their eyes on such a beautiful sight. The aestheticians of every generation, hell, any universe, could never account for Heejin, could never wrap their minds around such a heavenly magnificence.

(God, the way her heart is _fucking_ pounding is unearthly. Hyunjin can’t stop herself from thinking that Jungeun never made her feel this way even when they were dating despite this moment feeling like the moment when she first saw Jungeun walking out of her room for their prom night in her elegant dress. She had looked gorgeous that night, but somehow, Heejin makes her pale in comparison).

(Hyunjin wouldn’t tell Jungeun that though. If but to save herself from hurting her friend’s ego and herself from an unwanted lecture and unending teasing).

Heejin is familiar with heads turning to look at her, with watching people gape at her or following her every step with entranced eyes. (By now, Heejin knows that she is beautiful, the infinite amount of compliments she hears telling her enough, but she had to owe it to her stylists and makeup artists too). Usually, the stares all blur together into one, and this remains the same except for one. Like a microscope focusing on a subject or a spotlight shining on the photographer, Hyunjin seems to be enchanted.

Hyunjin’s stare makes her feel like she is the only other person in the room, like she is the only one who matters, who is worthy of her unwavering gaze.

For once, Heejin doesn’t feel like she is subjected to uncomfortable staring like an objectified item on walking sticks to be shown off—does not feel like she is a commodity to be won or taken or possessed.

Hyunjin makes her feel so special, like she is beautiful for who she is, not for what she wears or looks like.

It’s different and Heejin welcomes the feeling with open arms (and open heart).

Twirling around once she steps in front of Hyunjin, the photographer only barely blinks and sucks in a breath. “How do I look?”

Hyunjin clears her throat before looking away.

(Both in embarrassment and admonishment. Her eyes wouldn’t fucking look away even if her brain was screaming at her to, to not let Heejin in and wiggle herself even further into her heart. Like chasing a hedonistic desire to take in every inch of Heejin like she’d disappear right in front of her if she didn’t, her rationality could never stand a chance).

“You look-”

(Hyunjin could lie about the voracious beating in her heart and be nonchalant).

“You look stunning, Heejin. No camera, no photographer, nothing could ever come close to grasping how gorgeous you are.”

(No, that’s a fucking lie. She couldn’t lie and act indifferent. Not when Heejin looked so beautiful. Not just in that moment, not just in that dress. For everything that she is, Heejin is a wonder).

It’s not often Heejin is flustered. But, God, do her cheeks flush and warm at Hyunjin’s compliment. Subconsciously tucking her hair behind her ear in shyness, Haseul has to clear her throat to cut through the tension rippling off like waves between them.

Visibly shaking her head and gathering her breath again, Hyunjin has to turn away from Heejin while she pointed at the door, “Let’s have you start there. Then, we’ll get to the couch and finish up at the bed.”

Slipping back into professionalism, Heejin heeds Hyunjin’s directions and if Hyunjin didn’t fall for Heejin before, there was no way she could get away with it this time. Carrying the same emotions from the photoshoot outside to now, Heejin tells her story with clarity, her eyes murky with uncertainty and forlornness. Unfathomably lost and desperate to be found, Hyunjin feels her heart beginning to yearn in a way that she has never felt as she clicked away from behind the camera, as if it sympathized for the Heejin in front of her—the lost girl searching for a home.

The pictures Hyunjin takes are remarkable. Like Heejin’s reputation foretold, she performed to an ability that is unthinkable for a relatively new model. Hyunjin barely had any work to do, only clicked at the release button and adjusted for light and reframing.

Indeed, humans are an art. Undeniably, Heejin is a masterpiece.

~.~.~

When the prints of Heejin’s photoshoot comes, it’s as if everyone in Hyunjin’s company takes the time to make their way to Hyunjin to compliment her work. Even Sojung had stopped by to congratulate her and praise her effort. Selling remarkably well, Hyunjin begins to see her photos of Heejin everywhere. 

As incredible as her shots were, Hyunjin can’t help the disappointment that filters through her body. She hadn’t even come _close_ to capturing the truth of Heejin’s story, of how divine she looked. Even if her shots turned out well, Hyunjin feels as if she failed the other girl. 

Flipping through the issue and critically eyeing her photos of Heejin, a song of angels disrupts her, “Hyunjin? Is that you?”

Startling in her seat and searching for the melody that called for her, Hyunjin’s breath catches in her throat. 

(Beautiful dress or not, Heejin still took her breath away even if she was only dressed in a white crop top, a flannel, and skinny jeans, a pair of wired circle glasses sitting on the ~~perfect~~ bridge of her nose).

Hyunjin hates how her heart starts to beat in tenfold, as if anxious to call out for Heejin, to capture her attention. Shutting it out, Hyunjin wills herself to ignore the echo of Heejin’s name in her ribs. 

“Heejin! Good morning! Did you see the prints? You really did an awesome job!”

The model smiles brightly, the ends of her eyes crinkling happily. (It’s such an endearing sight).

“I knew that the pictures you took were amazing, but they turned out even better that I could have ever imagined!”

Hyunjin feels her heart burst with pride before coiling in on itself when it remembers how she failed to portray Heejin the way she deserved, “I didn’t do as well as I should have.”

Heejin hates how ashamed Hyunjin looks, so disappointed in herself. Not having it, Heejin pulls out the chair that is in front of Hyunjin and closes the magazine before holding her hands and making the photographer focus her eyes on her. 

“If you think you should have done better, I should have too. Like you said, Hyun, we’re partners when we tell my story. We’re supposed to help each other do better and if you think you lacked in performance, so did I.”

Adamantly shaking her head in refusal, Hyunjin doesn’t want Heejin thinking that, even for a second, she did not measure up to her expectations. She had exceeded them in such an impossible manner, “But, you were perfect, Heejin.”

Heejin chuckles. (It’s light and charming. Hyunjin likes how it sounds—she’d even swoon if she had the recklessness to).

“You know better than anyone else that models aren’t perfect. We’re made to be perfect. _You_ made me to be perfect. So, if I really was flawless, so were you, Hyun.”

Unable to refute, Hyunjin subconsciously pouts, “But, I wanted to do better for you.” Internally cooing at the sight, Heejin relaxes into her chair. 

(Hyunjin hates how cold and empty her hands feel when Heejin’s hands leaves hers to clasp together and rest on her lap).

“How about this? If it makes you feel better, buy me a meal and it’ll even everything out.”

Against Hyunjin’s better judgement, her head automatically nods in agreement. (Her mind is screaming at her in anger and disappointment, “ _What happened to not letting Heejin in, you dumbass?!_ ” 

Hyunjin doesn’t even have an answer. Giving into Heejin and wanting to spend more time with her seemed to be a necessity that she couldn’t control).

“Your next meal on me, got it!”

Heejin’s smile is confident—like it’s caught between smirking and being happy. “I’ll only accept your payment if you’re eating with me, Kim Hyunjin.”

Smiling like a flustered teenager (like she was whenever Jungeun complimented her back in high school), Hyunjin nods in agreement. 

When Heejin pushes away and stands, the sun glows behind her like a heavenly halo. “I gotta go, but it was nice seeing you, Hyun. I’m expecting a text from you on the details!”

(Oh, that’s right. Like a reminder Hyunjin didn’t need, Heejin had given Hyunjin her number after the photographer had dismissed her. It’s not like Hyunjin spent an hour going back and forth between sending a text, erasing her words and retyping them all over again. Hyunjin ended up not texting her because it just seemed like a bad idea, like texting Heejin would only make her fall for the girl more).

(It would).

Mustering the courage to text Heejin before cowering away again, it embarrasses Hyunjin how she spends ten minutes to craft a single message. 

**_Kim Hyunjin:_ ** _there’s this tteokbokki and fried chicken place that i love near my place. it’s my go to. is that good with you? and is seven on saturday okay?_

It takes Heejin a couple of hours to reply back, but Hyunjin can almost sense the girl’s excitement when she reads her text. 

**_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _i LOVE fried chicken and tteokbokki :)_

 **_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _and seven is perfect. i’ll just be getting off >_<_

 **_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _wait are we carpooling or meeting up????_

It’s alarming how Hyunjin’s heart pounds when she texts back. It slams against her chest and makes her stomach twist into knots. 

**_Kim Hyunjin:_ ** _i’ll pick you up! just send me your location!_

If Hyunjin was worried about coming off too eager, Heejin eases her when she sends a text back immediately, just as excited. 

**_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _looking forward to seeing you again hyunjin!!!!!! have a good day :D_

(Hyunjin knew it. Texting Heejin would only make her heart want her more. It’s dangerous and almost overwhelming. It can’t be like this. 

There is too much at stake for Hyunjin to mess it up with her feelings.

She has to do better).

As Saturday comes in a whirl, Hyunjin up to her knees in various photoshoots, none of them ever amounting to the life-changing moment of photographing Heejin, Hyunjin feels like a helpless teenager with an awful crush as she stares at her wardrobe for what feels like the third hour. Calling Jungeun, Hyunjin forgoes a greeting, “Jungeun, I need help.”

It’s not often that Hyunjin calls for help sounding so worried. Jungeun almost drops whatever she is doing to cater to her friend, “What’s wrong, Hyunjin? Do I need to hide a body? Because if I do, I’m gonna need to tell Jiwoo because she has more muscle strength than I do.”

Jungeun knows how to make her laugh, how to make the nerves twisting up in her body relax. 

“No body this time, Jungeun. I need help choosing an outfit.”

There is a silence at the other end. Hyunjin hates how she can _hear_ the gears turning in her friend’s head, “An outfit? Oh my God, Hyun, are you _finally_ going on a date? Who is it? Who’s good enough to worm into your cold, work-infested heart?”

(Jungeun actually thinks that Hyunjin might have one of the softest and warmest hearts out there. Vulnerable and fragile, hidden away, too scared to get hurt again).

(While their breakup had been amicable, it had only been amicable because Hyunjin loved her too much to give her resistance, had accepted that she wasn’t meant for Jungeun head on, only watched wistfully as her heart slipped out of Jungeun’s hands and shattered into unrecoverable pieces as it fell.

Jungeun never thanked her for being so kind, for letting her go without ever giving her grief. For still being her friend despite the heart splitting ache in her chest. It had been two, almost three, years into their relationship when Jungeun ended it. She knew with every bone in her body that Hyunjin loved her with her entire heart and soul. But, Jungeun knew in her own heart that she didn’t feel the same, that it wouldn’t be fair to drag it on any longer. Prolonging the pain would only make everything worse. 

Breaking up with Hyunjin, even if it was what she wanted and needed to do, was one of the hardest things she has ever had to do. To crush her heart into pieces and leave her to pick up the pieces by herself. 

But, she had to. And even if they had been miserable for a period of time, mourning the absence of a lover for Hyunjin, a friend for Jungeun, the girl knows that she did what she had to do—that her and Hyunjin can have the friendship that they do no now because of their will in the past to suffer through the pain in order to meet each other on another page again).

“It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s not a date. Heejin’s just a friend, if that, and I wanted to make up for my shitty performance on her photoshoot.”

Jungeun could choose to focus on Heejin and annoy Hyunjin into thinking differently, get her to see that Hyunjin wouldn’t dare entertain her time with someone who wasn’t worthwhile, but, something else blares out to her like a plea. Hyunjin always had the habit of letting her insecurities overwhelm her confidence and rationality whenever she felt disappointed in herself. 

“If _that_ was shitty, what about literally everything else you’ve done? I mean it when I say that that was your best work. And I’m not saying that because I’m your friend but because I work with you. I have seen all of your past work and looked at it with a critical eye. I know I will not be the only one to tell you that you had captured Heejin in a way that no one else could.”

Jungeun hears Hyunjin sigh into the phone, “You’re always your own worst critic, Hyun. Let us remind you that you’re much better than you think you are, that you work harder than you realize.”

Hyunjin puts her heart into her work. Jungeun doesn’t think that she has ever seen so much of it in a photoshoot before. Heejin had evoked such powerful reflections in her friend that she wondered how Hyunjin didn’t see it too. 

(Jungeun knows what Heejin could mean. It makes her heart happy to think that Hyunjin’s would want to welcome Heejin into hers. It can begin to feel lonely to be the only one Hyunjin has ever loved).

“And just wear those jeans that make your ass look really good and that white knit sweater you have.”

Hyunjin scoffs, appreciates how Jungeun lifts the mood. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. My ass always looks good.”

Rolling her eyes so hard that even Hyunjin senses it as she giggles happily down the line, Jungeun can’t help how she smiles too, “Have a good time with her, Hyun. Don’t think too hard and just enjoy yourself. You deserve it.”

When Hyunjin hums down the line and hangs up, Jungeun hopes that Hyunjin won’t get in the way of her own happiness. 

(Wishful thinking, really. But she couldn’t help it).

Seven o’clock came quickly. Debating if she should text Heejin that she had arrived at her place or getting out of her car to knock, her hands are already twisting at her car keys to turn the engine of her car off. Making her way to Heejin’s door, Hyunjin face palms when she realizes that texting Heejin would have been _much_ easier. Heejin would receive her text, get out of her place, and get in her car. But now, Hyunjin has to muster up the strength to knock at her door and make conversation while walking with her to her car.

The last time she was this nervous to be around someone like this, it had been with Jungeun when she first started dating her. A part of revels in the thrill of having a crush, the bigger part of her hates that her heart can’t seem to calm down, how her brain is running words at ten thousand miles per hour because she’s trying to find all the right ones to say. Heejin isn’t supposed to affect her like this. She isn’t supposed to mean this much this early.

(But, she does).

(Hyunjin would rather give up her favorite pastry than admit that). 

Dinner with Heejin is like a fairy tale. Realistically speaking, Heejin shouldn’t exist. Someone as perfect as her couldn’t exist—there had to be no way that the universe deserved to have her, could even conjure up someone as blissful as her. Still, like a miracle, Heejin sits in front of her smiling that bright smile that makes Hyunjin’s heart melt. Her voice sounds like a chorus of angels. When she puts her hand on top of Hyunjin’s, the photographer’s eyes flicker to it, feeling her heart pick up in pace. Going even further to interlock their fingers together, Hyunjin doesn’t have it in her to pull away, to show Heejin that she isn’t interested.

(Maybe it’s because she _is_ interested. Her mind was just too stubborn to admit it).

Without the pretense of a camera guarding her, Heejin is just as charming as she is funny, just as intriguing as she is interested. Hyunjin thinks that Heejin could make anyone fall for her without even really trying. (Hyunjin certainly did).

Even though their night is nothing more than dinner and casual conversation, Heejin becomes a constant figure running through Hyunjin’s mind, her heart calling her name. 

~.~.~

As months pass, Hyunjin finds herself still enchanted by Heejin. No matter how her rationale tells her to distance herself from Heejin, to not give her the opportunity to get closer than she already is, she can’t seem to stay away—if anything, she craved to get closer. There were nights spent with Heejin that Hyunjin wished that she’d take her hand into hers, feel how perfectly her fingers fit between hers, pull the woman into her arms just to feel how nice it is to have her there. Every time they said goodbye, Hyunjin wished for more. More time. More contact. Just, more of Heejin.

But she would never allow herself that. More than ever, her career is booming. Every week is busy, almost each day is filled to the brim with work. Model after the other, issue after issue, Hyunjin doesn’t have the time to entertain a relationship, does not have the effort to even try.

(Yet, a part of Hyunjin knew that she’d try if it were Heejin. Her heart knew. But, Hyunjin has since put it on mute).

Burying herself in her passion to distract herself from the rampant parts of her heart ruling her mind, if Hyunjin can just, drown in her work, she couldn’t drown in the bliss of being with Heejin.

(Truth be told, Hyunjin is afraid. Falling in love, getting hurt, and dealing with the repercussions of a wounded heart is something she wouldn’t like to go through again. Surely, she is over Jungeun and only sees her as a friend, but, when she looks hard enough, she remembers how it felt when the girl held her hand and broke up with her with glassy watery eyes. It was devastating in a way that Hyunjin remembers how she struggled to breathe, felt so helpless in fighting for a woman who didn’t love her in the same way. For months, even the mere thought of Jungeun felt like her heart was just freshly ripped out of her chest.

Scared of being hurt, scared of being fragile, scared of being vulnerable.

Heejin could unravel her with a smile.

God, it’s fucking terrifying).

But, Hyunjin comes to learn that her resolve is nothing but a joke when she kisses Heejin during one of their nights out.

_Han River looks beautiful at night. It’s beginning to remind her of Heejin when all of their time together usually ends by walking along the riverbanks. Looking at the city lights rippling in the water and chirping of night bugs, it’s Hyunjin’s peace away from everyday hassle of her life, her sanctuary away from the chaos between her heart and mind._

_Having Heejin beside her, it’s like she shields her away from reality. Sometimes she holds her hands. Or she’ll loop her arm with hers or sling an arm over her shoulder when it’s cold. (“You’re shivering! Let me warm you up!”) Walking along Han River makes Hyunjin wish she had her camera to take pictures of Heejin when she tucks her hair behind her ears and smiles or when she bounces about in happiness, goofing around because she likes how big Hyunjin smiles when she watches her jump to click her heels together in the air, a resounding woop fluttering through the air._

_Hyunjin is usually so wound up when she is guarded, when she has her work to protect her. But, Heejin likes Hyunjin like this—when she doesn’t have her camera to hide behind, when her eyes are more expressive and her smile freer. Heejin likes when Hyunjin doesn’t build her walls up around her because sometimes, she’ll catch the girl hastily building her defenses up when they are not sheltered in the peace of being alone at night._

_Just as familiar as Heejin is with telling stories with her body, she is familiar with reading bodies that tell what they feel without ever needing words. Hyunjin is constantly between a place of freedom and restraint, her eyes shifting from lively to dull whenever she is with her, her smile broad and genuine and falling into reserved politeness when her guard is up._

_But, whenever they are at Han River, it's as if Hyunjin is most open there. Vulnerability and fragility in open display, Heejin likes how warm Hyunjin makes her feel—it’s her laugh and how she looks at her like she should cherish her, like she is the one out of millions that Hyunjin would ever want to gaze at._

_When they’re at Han River, Hyunjin is bare and soft. For the charming and wholesome woman that she is, in her cool-like ways of caring for Heejin, falling for Hyunjin was inevitable. From nonchalantly picking an eyelash away from her cheek and holding it out for Heejin to make a wish with it, picking a random flower and tucking it behind her ear, to opening doors for her and pulling Heejin close to her when bikers race by, it seems as if Hyunjin has no idea what she does to Heejin, how she makes her feel._

_Sitting at a bench, without ever realizing it, the space between them diminishes into nothing, their shoulders rubbing against each other, the hand Hyunjin has on the bench barely grazing the skin that her skirt doesn’t quite reach. It makes Heejin’s heart beat like a rapid drum line tapping away. Usually overlooking the water and how the city lights shimmer in the distance, Heejin is acutely aware when Hyunjin turns to look at her (it’s all the cameras pointing at her day in, day out that has given her that sixth sense)._

_Looking back at her, Heejin almost flinches away with how close Hyunjin is. As the wind blows, her hair begins to curtain her face. Without thinking, Heejin’s hand is already gently tucking her hair behind her ear, her hand lingering on the soft feeling of her cheek underneath it. Heejin swears she sees Hyunjin’s breath stutter, how her eyes flicker to her lips._

_It could be a figment of her imagination because for too long has she thought of kissing Hyunjin. Except, Hyunjin edges closer, her eyes tracing the contours of Heejin’s face (because Hyunjin felt that if she didn’t Heejin might disappear)._

_Hyunjin doesn’t know what happens. Like being caught in a spell, helplessly enchanted by the woman in front of her, it’s like an undeniable magnetic force brings them closer. As Heejin’s eyelashes flutter to a close, Hyunjin can barely feel the slight whistle of air from Heejin over the thundering beat of her heart storming in her chest. It’s a certain nerve that Hyunjin loves, chases._

_Kissing Heejin is like finally breathing. Her lips are warm and soft and they slide and meld with hers in a way that makes Hyunjin’s mind foggy. All she can think about is Heejin. Heejin, Heejin, Heejin. How her hand strokes her cheek while the other toys with Hyunjin’s hair, how her breath stutters when she pulls away before pushing back for a more definite kiss (the kind that wants more, begs for more than just a peck), how she smells of vanilla and cocoa and tastes of chocolate ice cream, how she sounds when Hyunjin impulsively nips at her lip._

_Heejin is the only thing her senses know—will only ever care to know._

_Giving in to what her heart desires feels like breaking free, sucking in air while losing it all when she kisses her again, puzzling their lips together because if the world was ending, at least she was kissing Heejin._

_(Hyunjin was never one for PDA, in fact, shamed those who would disgustingly share their private kisses with the public, but, God, if it’s Heejin, Hyunjin wouldn’t care where she was. If Heejin wanted to kiss her, Hyunjin would never stop her)._

_Fighting through the fog, her rationale shakes her shoulders and socks her in the gut when she snaps out of it. Pulling away and ignoring how Heejin whines at the loss of contact, Hyunjin can only put her hand over her lips and shut her eyes in exasperation._

_Hissing and creating more space between them, Heejin hates how Hyunjin sounds like regret._

_“Shit.”_

_Blearily blinking her eyes to clear through the mist, Heejin can’t help how lost and vulnerable she sounds, “What- what’s wrong?”_

_Running her hand over her face, as if to reset herself, Hyunjin sounds so disoriented and lost, “I’m- I’m sorry, Heejin. We shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have kissed you.”_

_Suddenly feeling the chill of the wind, the wild contrast from the burning heat of feeling Hyunjin’s tongue licking the roof of her mouth giving her whiplash, Heejin hates how scared and remorseful Hyunjin looks._

_“What do you mean, Hyun? I thought we were on the same page? Isn’t that why you kissed me? Because I really like you, Hyunjin.”_

_Hyunjin puts her face in her hands and messily runs her hands through her hair as if she could anchor herself to the present by helplessly clutching at loose strands of reality vanishing away from her, “We’re not- I’m not. I don’t- I mean I do- I can’t- I can’t br-”_

_Breathing heavily and unable to catch air, Hyunjin can begin to feel her lungs constrict, desperate for relief. Without thinking, Heejin is putting Hyunjin’s finger on the pulse under her thumb, her other hand stroking mindless shapes on Hyunjin’s back, “It’s okay, Hyun; focus on my heart. Close your eyes and feel how it beats.”_

_Straining her eyes closed to feel the ghost of Heejin’s pulse underneath her pointer and ring fingers, Hyunjin finds its pulse to be rapid, but steady. Her breaths begin to follow every other beat it takes, her lungs no longer burning with dry heat. When Hyunjin comes to, she can absentmindedly feel Heejin running her fingers through her hair, a low humming of some song comforting her back to reality._

_(Heejin didn’t need Hyunjin to reject her to know that she was wrong, that they had not been on the same page. Whether or not if Hyunjin liked her back, the idea of Heejin liking her had terrified her enough for her to panic so catastrophically. Hyunjin wasn’t ready for whatever Heejin wanted. That much Heejin knew._

_It hurt. So much more than Heejin would ever expect it to because Hyunjin has only been in her life for a couple of months, is technically just another photographer out of the hundreds she has already worked with. But the truth is that Hyunjin is more than just a photographer. She’s Kim Hyunjin, dorky and goofy, passionate about what she loves and undyingly motivated to rise above when it matters. She’s Kim Hyunjin and she makes Heejin feel special for who she is, not for what she can do._

_That is enough for Kim Hyunjin to be more than /just/ anything to Heejin.)_

_(She’s Kim Hyunjin and Jeon Heejin just might love her)._

_“If it’s too much, this whole thing is too much, we don’t have to do anything, Hyun. We can pretend this never happened and try to go back to normal. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or hurt you in any way.”_

_Hyunjin pulls away, her voice quiet and unsure. “You didn’t- you didn’t hurt me, Heejin. I just, I’m not- I don’t have what it takes to be with you. I’ve worked so hard on my career and I don’t see myself slowing down and I know you’ll never ask me to, but, I know that if I let myself fall for you, I will lose myself in you and I can’t have that. Not now. I’m not asking you to wait because you might as well be waiting for nothing. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be loved.”_

_Heejin wants so badly to say that she only wants to be loved by the woman next to her but knows that it wouldn’t be fair to corner Hyunjin like that._

_“I’m sorry, Heejin. I can’t be what you want or need.”_

_A part of Heejin thinks that there’s more to this than Hyunjin lets on because Hyunjin never said that she didn’t like her back—just that she couldn’t._

_Whatever that meant._

_It still hurt her, to have Hyunjin so far away from her throughout the rest of the night, hesitant and scared._

_Something changed and Heejin doesn’t think that things will ever be the same again._

_(If only Hyunjin was brave enough to admit that she liked Heejin too, if only she could revel in her vulnerability and fragility and give Heejin her heart with the confidence that she would take care of it because, God, Heejin would protect it with her life)._

_(Hyunjin hates that she’s a coward)._

_(Heejin doesn’t deserve a coward)._

~.~.~

An ultimate testament to Hyunjin’s professionalism comes in the form of her boss calling for a meeting. It’s not often that Miss Kim calls for a debrief outside of their biweekly briefs. Usually, it’s good news when she formally calls for meetings. Hyunjin hopes to all of the gods out there that it is.

(Only once had it been to discipline her team. It had been one of the most unnerving things Hyunjin had ever seen. Kim Sojung mad and disappointed is a sight she’d never want to experience again. It was scathing and terrifying to see her leader so quietly angry and critical of their shortcomings. Since then, even if Hyunjin wasn’t the one being directly scolded at the time, she made sure to measure up to Sojung’s expectations—if not to impress her, to keep her job).

As Sojung rises from her seat, the chatter in the conference room quickly eases to a halt. Smiling warmly and happily, she stands at the head of the table.

“As you all know, the CEO of JYP Modeling and I had a meeting. Miss Park and I discussed the past success of Ha Sooyoung and Im Nayeon’s collaboration and what we expect if we have one between their rising model, Shin Ryujin, and Jeon Heejin. We’re projecting that it would create the same impact; we are in the sweet spot for it. As both Miss Park and I requested, this photoshoot will be carried out by you, Hyunjin. We were both immensely impressed with your last job with Heejin. I expect the same effort from you this time too.”

To be desired by one of the most notable fashion magazine companies, Hyunjin felt her pride inflate. 

(JYP Modeling’s CEO, Park Jihyo, is the textbook definition of hard work paying off. She had climbed her way to the top despite critics despising her and spitting on her name and efforts at the beginning of her duration as CEO. But, in mere three years, she had begun to create a storm of success for her and her company. From her company came some of the most well-known models: Im Nayeon, Yoo Jeongyeon, and Chou Tzuyu. Now, with her fifth year as operating CEO, it is easily determined that JYP Modeling is only as notorious as it is because of the woman on top and the people who work beside her. To be requested for the collaboration is more than just a simple honor—it is a dream for Hyunjin. She won’t let her dumb feelings or the crazy awkwardness radiating between her and Heejin since that horrible night ruin it. She’s a professional. She can make both of their companies proud).

(Not that kissing Heejin was horrible, no, that was wonderfully beguiling. It was the shit storm after that that ruined her night because all she can think about when she tries to sleep is how hurt Heejin had looked when had she let her down, how she watched as Heejin splintered into pieces and tried to keep it under wraps to save Hyunjin from guilt because that is just the kind of person Heejin is).

“Thank you for the opportunity, Miss Kim. I won’t let you down.”

Sojung nods confidently before dismissing the meeting, “I know, Hyunjin. It’s why I chose you.”

By the next week, Hyunjin is at the studio one of JYP Modeling’s scouts found. It’s simple and modern, a sleek white being the only point really needed. While Hyunjin sets up, some of JYP Modeling’s crew is scattered about mingling with Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin catches Yerim and Yeojin chatting with Son Chaeyoung, a notable scout who is responsible for finding some of the most beautiful sights.

Even Haseul is talking with Minatozaki Sana while they adjust the lights and double check the set. 

First to walk out of their respective rooms is Shin Ryujin. Hyunjin knew that the overall concept for today’s shoot would be charisma and toughness, but, Ryujin had fit the look perfectly with her short black hair, tight black but red accented bodysuit and black camo cargo pants tucked into black combat boots. If she hadn’t smiled at the crew and bowed, Hyunjin would even be a little intimidated. While Ryunjin introduces herself, the sight of Heejin steals her attention away.

Hyunjin wants to pull at her collar and air out her body because, God, since when did the room get _this_ hot?

(It was in the moment between Heejin walking in and Hyunjin’s eyes finding her across the room like they always do).

Dressed in baggy red cargo pants tucked into black boots, tight black crop top that showed the figure that Heejin worked so hard to keep, tousled wavy hair, chains that hung from her shoulder and laid diagonally across her torso connected by the loops of her pants, and cross earrings accenting her look with every confident step she took, Hyunjin thinks she might be drooling.

“Hot” wouldn’t be enough to describe her, “sexy” not quite fitting the confidence that radiates from Heejin’s body like heat waves. But, holy shit, it’s like everyone in the room stopped what they were doing just so that they could pay the right respect to Heejin as she walked by.

(Heejin hates how Hyunjin’s stare makes her feel just as vulnerable and special as the first time she shot with her. It makes her heart go crazy, makes her remember that she is nursing the split crack in it without Hyunjin beside her).

Shaking herself out of the spell, Hyunjin clears her throat and formally begins the photoshoot with individual shots first. Going first, Hyunjin can understand why Ryujin was chosen for this collaboration. Her confidence is tangible and intimidating, charismatic in a way that Hyunjin could feel her stare behind her camera. Her body held power just as her eyes did and Hyunjin only had to instruct for different positions throughout the duration of Ryujin’s photoshoot.

Dismissing Ryujin, Heejin waits on the outskirts with her hands in her pockets. She looks so effortlessly cool it’s almost impossible that she was the same girl who once spat her juice out of her mouth from laughing too hard because Hyunjin had made a fool out of herself.

Heejin knew Hyunjin could be professional, but she wondered if she could model to her full potential of toughness when she felt like breaking inside.

Standing in front of the camera, Hyunjin can already sense that Heejin does not feel as confident as she usually does. Speaking from behind the lens, Hyunjin only barely raises her eyes to make eye contact with the woman in front of her.

“You look incredible, Heejin. I think High School Me wouldn’t know if she should be intimidated by you or attracted to you.”

Heejin smirks then and she begins to shine in the way that Hyunjin knows she can.

Capturing that smirk and cocky glance, Heejin looks like someone who others wouldn’t mind breaking their hearts over. As if to say, “Here, this is my heart; you can break it if you want, it’s yours.”

She looks tough and unbreakable, unobtainable and cocky about it, like she knows she is the greatest thing anyone will ever see.

Soon enough, the couple shoot begins. With Ryujin standing behind Heejin, resting her arm on her shoulder and the other tucked into her pockets and Heejin crossing her arms, the power and confidence that rolled off of them brought goosebumps to Hyunjin’s arms. The two shot well together—looked incredibly perfect together.

A small part of Hyunjin feels jealous because it knows that Hyunjin and Heejin could never look that perfect together. The bigger part of her chastises her for being jealous over someone that wasn’t even hers, for being irrational and difficult without warrant.

When Sana approaches them with two lace blindfolds and roses, Hyunjin feels like she might bow to her knees when the stylist finishes tying the blindfold over Heejin’s eyes. There’s something about the lace blindfolds—it’s addictingly forbidden in a way. It makes Hyunjin’s heart pound against her chest and it steals any air that she had in her lungs.

While Ryujin gets ready, Hyunjin proceeds to snap shots of Heejin. Standing poised with the red rose in her right hand, a petal gently bitten between her teeth, and her left hand displayed in front of her, Hyunjin thinks that there hasn’t been a sight as stunning as this. When Heejin gently bites the stem of rose, its horizontal end complimenting the symmetry of the lace blindfold, it’s a no brainer that Heejin knows how to work props, how to employ the rose given to her for her benefit, the lace blindfold adding an extra flare to her outfit. 

It’s driving Hyunjin fucking crazy, frankly. There was no way Heejin could have gotten more attractive, but she _had_ , right in front of her eyes with the simple draping of a black lace blindfold.

When Ryujin joins Heejin, behind her again, Hyunjin knows the noise that this photoshoot will make. There was something sensational about two ridiculously attractive women wearing lace blindfolds and clothes that emphasized charisma and confidence.

After requesting a position change, Ryujin uses a finger to drag Heejin’s face towards her. With a finger under Heejin’s chin, the air around them intensifies. Getting even closer, their lips too close for Hyunjin’s liking, the photographer in her knows that Ryujin made a wise decision to use Heejin as a partner rather than a decorative tool. Watching with bated breath, it was like watching electrifying chemistry between them.

Usually, Hyunjin has good self-control, but, like Heejin has proven over and over again, her self-control vanishes around her. The way her heart becomes indignant at the sight of Ryujin so close to Heejin angers her, makes her feel irritated without proper reasoning.

When Ryujin gently bites at the opposite side of the rose that Heejin holds, the model’s initiative to do the same produces a reaction from the crew around Hyunjin.

(It’s something like “Ooooooh!”)

Ryujin and Heejin had done more than a perfect job at establishing chemistry and tension, so much that Hyunjin felt awkward taking pictures of them, felt like she was intruding on something that was meant to be kept private.

Finishing up the photoshoot on a high note, Ryujin and Heejin look childishly happy when they slip off the blindfolds to see and hear the crew clapping in obvious praise. Clapping half out of obligation and the other genuine praise, Hyunjin hates how her heart makes her feel so uncertain and threatened.

(It had no right to feel as such, but Hyunjin couldn’t help but to feel it).

Packing up, Hyunjin overhears Ryujin talking to Heejin. Voice low and confident, she doesn’t like the flirting tone in how she talks, “You were awesome, Heejin.”

Heejin blushes pink.

(Hyunjin hates it).

Heejin tucks her hair behind her ear.

(Hyunjin knows she does that when she feels shy. She hates that she knows. She hates it even more that Heejin could feel shy so easily).

(Even if it wasn’t her fault, the heart always did make Hyunjin feel so out of control).

“You were great too, Ryujin. Biting my rose was a good move. I think people are gonna go crazy.”

Ryujin smirks. It’s confident. (To some it’d be hot. To Hyunjin, it was cringingly cocky).

“I know people are gonna go crazy. I mean, look at you! I don’t know who wouldn’t go crazy over you, Heejin. I would! In fact, I have!”

Heejin giggles while she lightly pushes Ryujin’s shoulder and Hyunjin hates how her feet begin to take her to the pair.

“Ryujin, don’t you think it’s a little unprofessional to hit on your colleague like this? You can’t even wait until the both of you are away from work?”

Ryujin looks confused, the hostility in Hyunjin’s voice off-putting to her. Hyunjin can hear Heejin hiss a whisper beside her, “Hyunjin! What the hell?”

“Uh- I’m not hitting on her. If I was, it wouldn’t be here, and I would definitely say more than that-”

Getting riled up in a way that Hyunjin can’t control, she sizes Ryujin up before taking a step closer to her, “And what would you say? That you’d like to bed her?”

Ryujin frowns in refusal before pushing Hyunjin away, “What the f- I don’t know where you got that, but, Heejin’s not some piece of meat that doesn’t have a choice for what she does or doesn’t do.”

Pushing harder at Ryujin, enough for her to take a step back to steady herself, Hyunjin is already storming off with a resounding, “Whatever.”

Not allowing Hyunjin to get far, Heejin pulls at the other girl’s arm, her gaze furious and irritated when she speaks lowly, “What the fuck was that Hyunjin? She was just being nice!”

Hyunjin rolls her eyes as she angrily packs up her equipment, “Oh yeah! Being nice! I didn’t know that being nice meant eye-fucking you!”

Heejin squeezes her arm uncomfortably tight at her comment, “That’s uncalled for, Hyunjin.”

Tugging her arm away and turning her back, “What’s uncalled for is you flirting back.”

Heejin scoffs behind her, her arms crossed, “Flirting back? I don’t know what you’re seeing but I wasn’t flirting back.”

Scoffing too and glaring at Heejin, “Yeah? Then what was the giggling? And the light pushing and the hair thing you do when you get shy?”

Heejin’s eyebrows pop up in shock, “God, I’d think you were my mentor with your micro-analyzing! All of that doesn’t have to mean anything, Hyunjin!”

Stopping the deconstruction of her camera, Hyunjin feels offended, just as much as Heejin does, “It doesn’t mean anything? Then what about when you did it with me? Was that nothing too?”

Heejin scoffs in disbelief, looking away as if she finally found the reason for Hyunjin’s irrational unprofessionalism, “Is that what this is about? You’re jealous? Are you that insecure that I can’t fucking exist without you breathing down my neck?!”

Hitting too close to home, Hyunjin zips up her bag and angrily slings it over her shoulder, “You know what, Heejin? Fuck you. Sorry for being concerned.”

Heejin shakes her head in denial, her eyes giving away the slightest bit of pain, “Concern? It’s selfishness, Hyunjin! I know what you’re like when you’re genuinely concerned. This? This is reckless greed.”

Roughly bumping into Heejin as she leaves, Hyunjin only barely recognizes the crew looking at them awkwardly, the air circulating the studio stiff and uncomfortable, “Whatever makes you happy, Heejin. I’m over it.”

(Hyunjin’s not over it. She knows she’s not over it because she has to hastily wipe away at the tears that start to streak down her cheeks. Hyunjin hates how Haseul catches her breaking down as she leaves. Hyunjin knows that she’s not over it because she spends the rest of her night tossing and turning in her bed because she knew that she had been unfair to Heejin—and Ryujin—and most definitely humiliated the other girl in front of their colleagues. She had hurt her, the look in Heejin’s eyes haunting her).

(For boasting about her professionalism, Hyunjin has nothing to show for it. What a fucking disappointment).

Walking to her desk deeply ashamed the next day knowing that there was no way her company was not notified of her behavior the night before, Hyunjin thinks that she’d rather experience a lifetime’s worth of Walk of Shame’s before feeling the one she is doing now. It’s more than just parading a wounded ego and reputation. It’s knowing that she abused the reputation of her company. Of Heejin, when she did absolutely nothing to deserve it. 

Honestly, it’s more disgraceful than it is embarrassing. Being a disgrace is worse than being embarrassed, Hyunjin knows that now—vows to never do something as reckless as she did to avoid feeling such a decimating emotion. Not even justifying jealousy could measure up to how she feels now.

Arriving at her desk, her heart picks up in speed when she finds Kim Sojung perched at her desk with a coffee in her hand. Walking with her head bowed and feeling undeserving of making eye contact with her boss, her heart shudders in her chest when she speaks, “Hyunjin, can I talk with you privately?”

(God, those words never meant anything good. Hyunjin doesn’t know if she’s more terrified to hear Sojung firing her or expressing her disappointment in her).

Following the woman with timid steps, the workplace that is normally lit with chatter between peers is awkwardly silent. Noticing, Sojung stops at the door, “I do believe that it takes teamwork to produce the best work in this company. Absolute silence is not getting anything worthwhile done.”

As if getting shocked out of numbness, her coworkers begin to mumble to each other, their voices getting louder as their normal pace and routine of working is reached. 

Sitting rigid in Sojung’s office, Hyunjin quickly takes note of the picture of Sojung and a woman sitting on her desk, their cheeks squished together, and a happy smile on their faces. And next to it, there is a picture of the two same girls with four others. Hyunjin can already tell that the six must have a special bond. While Sojung moves to sit at her chair behind her desk, Hyunjin fiddles with her fingers, tempted to pick at her nails but refrains herself from doing so. When Sojung calls her name, Hyunjin finds that her eyes are neither seething or horribly disappointed. Rather, they are concerned and quietly curious. 

“I got to where I am today with hard work. That’s the story everyone knows. And it’s true.”

Sojung takes out the necklace hiding under her collar. Holding what hangs from it reverently, Hyunjin realizes it is a ring when she looks closer, “But, you mustn’t forget that your life is more than your work. It’s about the people in it, the people you love. I would not be here, would not have survived if it weren’t for my wife and friends supporting me on my way up. You are only as great as your company, Hyunjin. And that is why I am not going to fire you despite your behavior yesterday. Because I know who you are; I’ve seen you rise from the bottom and I know your heart. It is what’s keeping you here today. Do not take it for granted, Hyunjin.”

(Hyunjin doesn’t know how Sojung read her so easily, could have reprimanded her on her rash and rude behavior mercilessly because Hyunjin knows Sojung is capable of it. Hyunjin thinks it might have to do with Haseul being an advocate for her, noticing the woman waiting at her desk with concerned eyes when Hyunjin arrived in the morning. Haseul has always been by her side).

Nodding and bowing deeply, still feeling the panging of her panicked heart thrash against her chest. Sure, she had kept her job, but she had disappointed one of the people she promised to never disappoint. Kim Sojung, as strict and disciplined as she could be, was just as loving and caring, if not more. Hyunjin knows she’s lucky to have that woman guiding her through her profession. 

“I cannot ask you to make amends with Heejin for that is your own relationship with her. Heejin’s agency has established that she will continue to be willing to work with us if we can agree to professionality. I trust that after this, that will not be a problem. However, I request that you make it up to Shin Ryujin and JYP Modeling. They were innocent in the crosshairs of whatever you have going on in your personal life and the reputation of our company relies on your compensation and respect. I expect to be on Park Jihyo’s good side after this is over, Hyunjin.”

Nodding again, Hyunjin is already planning on ways to grovel for forgiveness, to redeem herself and the brand she represents. She will not be Sojung’s undoing—not when she has been so patient and understanding.

As night falls, Hyunjin stands at Heejin’s door, hesitant and worried. Utilizing the day to buy flowers and various pastries, Hyunjin had made her way to JYP Modeling to personally apologize to Ryujin and Jihyo. As much as it killed her ego to apologize to the people she royally embarrassed herself in front of, Hyunjin knew that she had to do it for the sake of her company. That this is simply what she deserved for acting out so impulsively and unprofessionally. Now, for her final destination, Hyunjin doesn’t have any other motivation to apologize to Heejin other than her own guilt and accountability. Holding a box of chocolates and those fruit bouquets (Hyunjin remembers Heejin saying she’d rather have a bouquet of food rather than flowers), Hyunjin has to steel her nerves to knock at her door.

When Heejin opens it, Hyunjin doesn’t know if she wants to sigh in relief that the girl was there to open her door or of exasperation for being forced to admit her wrongdoings. When Heejin raises her eyebrows, as if to say, “What do you want,” Hyunjin thrusts the items she has in her hand in front of her. 

“I’m here to apologize. Can I- can I come in please?”

Heejin moves aside to let her in, taking the chocolates and bouquet while waiting for Hyunjin to slip her shoes off. 

Feeling like she was trespassing into Heejin’s privacy and comfort even if she had let her in, Hyunjin wrings her fingers together, “I shouldn’t have acted out like that yesterday. You didn’t deserve it. Ryujin didn’t. Everyone who was there didn’t need to see me air out our problems like dirty laundry and I should have been more considerate and professional. I’m sorry for making you look horrible in front of them. No excuses or justifying and under no conditions should I have done that to you or anyone. I was wrong for being rude and hurting you in the process; I’m sorry, Heejin. If there is anything I can do to make it better, I’d do everything I can for you.”

Heejin wasn’t planning on forgiving Hyunjin that easily. She had humiliated her in front of her colleagues, ruined the rest of her night, and made her feel embarrassed despite doing nothing to warrant such behavior. But the woman looked so admonished and ashamed apologizing. Her guilt and earnestness to work for her forgiveness had shown brighter than any ill feelings Heejin harbored. Sighing deeply, Heejin leans against her wall.

“I don’t know what I want you to do, Hyunjin. I have to work harder on my own because it’s _my_ image that got hurt. I just need you to figure out what the hell you’re feeling because I can’t take this push and pull if you’re going to bring out our problems in a public and professional sphere. I don’t know, Hyunjin. Maybe, over time, it will get better, but I don’t know what you can do to undo the mess between us.”

The photographer nods solemnly. She doesn’t like how distant Heejin feels. Before Heejin can continue speaking, her phone goes off. Asking for a moment, Hyunjin can barely hear Heejin’s voice in the living room as she answers the call. 

“Are you serious? Choi Hansol wants to work with me?”

Choi Hansol. Hyunjin _hates_ that name, that sorry excuse of a man. When she first got into the industry as an intern, she used to admire him—his works were truly inspiring. But, meeting him, Hyunjin had felt extremely repulsed. His remarks were disgustingly derogatory and riddled with entitlement whenever he talked to her or the models he worked with. And he’d get away with the abuse simply because he was handsome and skilled at his job. But, Hyunjin thinks that his accomplishments slipped away the moment his merit showed to be shameful. And knowing he wants to work with Heejin? It makes the blood coursing through her body absolutely boil. He didn’t deserve a single second around her, didn’t deserve to set his perverted eyes on her, didn’t want Heejin to ever have to hear the filth he speaks. (Hyunjin wants to think her protectiveness this time is genuine care, not irrational jealousy).

When Heejin steps out with a happy smile on her lips, a part of Hyunjin hates how it’s because a man unworthy of her time put it there. “I wouldn’t work with Choi Hansol. He’s not worth the shots or the attention.”

Heejin’s smile drops, the same look of frustration from the night before clouding her eyes. When she tries to walk away from Hyunjin, the photographer catches her arm before she can fully turn. Tugging at her arm and unwilling to let go when Heejin tries to shake her off, some part of Hyunjin thinks that if she were to let go, she might lose Heejin forever. 

(It scares her in a way Hyunjin refuses to acknowledge).

“Heejin, don’t tell me you’re seriously thinking about working with that dipshit! You really shouldn’t work with him! He’s notorious for getting with his models-”

Whipping around with her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes in an angry glare, “Fuck you, Hyunjin!” Unnervingly frustrated, Heejin runs a hand through her hair, too tired to even raise her voice when she looks into Hyunjin’s eyes. Wounded, but still, so fucking guarded, “You have no right! You can’t dictate what I choose to do or not do. Who I work with and don’t. We’re not even girlfriends for you to be like this. You do _not_ have the right to think that you can possess me like I’m some fucking object to control! I don’t care if he’s known for dating his models. I _won’t._ I’m my own person, Hyunjin. And if I say “no” to him, you know what it’ll do to my image—I don’t have the clearance to refuse offers like his. Especially after yesterday, I need something exceptional to clear the storm. I make my own decisions, Hyunjin. And in case you forgot, I’m kind of hung up on you. Did you think I was lying when I said I liked you? Why would I be with anyone else when _you’re_ who I want?”

Rising in tension, Hyunjin soothes the headache forming at the temple of her head and ignores the frantic beating of her heart, as if it were terrified watching everything between her and Heejin unravel into shreds, “I never said that you’d date him, Heejin! I’m saying that he’s a shitty person who has no problem objectifying women! And I know I don’t own you! God, do you really think that I would try to control you? Even if we were together, I would never want to do that to you.”

Running her hands through her hair in frustration, Hyunjin feels her eyebrows furrow at the rush of emotion flooding her body, “Can’t I worry about you? Am I not allowed to do that?”

Heejin expels a heavy sigh, closing her eyes in exhaustion, very clearly trying to get rid of the stress she feels, “You know what, Hyunjin? Maybe you’re not. I need- I need space from you right now. When you care for me like this, it reminds me of exactly why I like you so much and it makes everything so much harder for me because I can’t have you. I’m exhausted pretending that I’m okay when I’m around you. I want you. So badly. And I understand that you can’t give me what I want. I truly do. But it’s hurting me when you’re so close to me. I can’t take it. I can’t fake it anymore, Hyunjin.”

Something in Hyunjin shatters when she processes Heejin’s request. Space? Hyunjin didn’t want space. She wanted to get closer, to bridge the gap that started to form the night they kissed. But, when Heejin looks at her, broken and pleading, how could she say no? How could she consciously decide to continue to hurt someone that her heart ~~loves~~ cares for.

If Heejin wants space, Hyunjin will give her space. Whatever Heejin needs, Hyunjin will provide because that is the only thing she can do to make the other girl happy.

Whatever makes Heejin happy.

~.~.~

As the season reaches an end, a gala for reputable magazines is held. Sojung had announced their invitation with obvious pride.

(It’s been a month and a half since Heejin asked for space.

It’s been a month and a half since Hyunjin has slept well—she misses her. Hyunjin didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much. Like a desperate ache, she wished to hear Heejin’s voice again, her laugh, see how her eyes turn into crescents when she smiles, the mole by her cheek and her eye. Hyunjin finds herself searching for warmth when she sits along the banks of the Han River. The Han River isn’t the same. It reminds her of Heejin. Thinking of the night when they kissed used to sting; it only brings her comfort now.

But, Heejin asked for space and she hadn’t reached out to Hyunjin since.

Hyunjin hates how lonely she feels even if she has Jungeun, Jiwoo, and her other coworkers to fill in the empty space Heejin left.

(Hyunjin had to be honest with herself. No matter how much she loved her friends, they weren’t Heejin. They could never come close to filling in the Heejin-shaped place in her heart).

Hyunjin repeats, “Whatever makes Heejin happy,” like a mantra. It’s the only thing keeping her sane).

Arriving to the gala dressed to the ten’s, Hyunjin’s arm is laced with Haseul’s as they walk through the crowds of people.

“I’m not used to being the one people look at.”

Hyunjin smiles kindly at Haseul as she looks at her, “You look beautiful, Haseul. Everyone’s going to want to look. Don’t forget, you’re in a place full of people who only care about appearance.”

Haseul beams and her eyes brighten even more when she finds her girlfriend mingling with Chou Tzuyu. Leaving Hyunjin politely, the photographer watches as her friend kisses her lover on the cheek before greeting the other girl.

The ballroom is glamorous and glittering with twinkling diamonds.

It’s fancy and Hyunjin feels so out of place. Staying at the side and watching Jungeun and Jiwoo balancing hors d'oeuvre in their hands, Hyunjin finds Sojung and presumably, her wife, judging by how her boss has an arm around the other woman’s waist. (It’s more domestic than it is possessive and Hyunjin likes how Sojung seems to shine when her wife beams up at her. Their height difference in itself was something to coo over).

Finding Jinsol in the crowd shyly glancing at Ha Sooyoung, Hyunjin likes how easily flustered Jinsol gets when Sooyoung winks at her from across the room.

Even Yeojin and Yerim attended, their bodies busily dancing to the music playing. Hyunjin likes how peaceful and untouched they look. As long as they had each other, as long as they had Hyunjin and her friends to guide them through the industry, the two should be a force to reckon with in the future.

“Hyunjin!”

Breaking out of her observation, Hyejoo and Chaewon approach her, Chaewon’s cute crooked smile fixed on her lips.

Hugging the two models and catching up with their projects, Hyunjin tries not to overreact when Hyejoo quickly kisses Chaewon’s cheek before leaving to schmooze to company CEO’s. Raising an eyebrow in a silent question, Chaewon gets goaded into updating Hyunjin on their personal lives.

Before Chaewon can leave, Hyunjin smiles warmly at her, her eyes soft and loving, “I’m happy for you, Chae. Hyejoo’s amazing.”

The woman flips her hair over her shoulder, cocky smile on her lips, “I know she’s amazing. I’m dating her, aren't I?”

Idling by the bar, a cocktail nursed in her hands, Hyunjin tries to control her heart when she finds Heejin making her way towards her. Pulling at her dress to try to appear occupied, Hyunjin can’t help but to think about how gorgeous Heejin looks in the yellow suit that she wears. When Heejin orders something from the bartender, Hyunjin awkwardly traces shapes with the condensation on her glass, unsure if she should greet the girl in front of her.

Saving Hyunjin from her internal battle, Heejin’s voice sounds like an angel chorus. (Somehow, Hyunjin finds herself breathing more easily).

“Hey, Hyunjin.”

Clearing her throat and fidgeting with her body, Hyunjin hates how her body doesn’t know what to do in front of Heejin anymore, “Hi, Heejin. You look-”

Abruptly stopping herself, not sure if she’d overstep any boundaries if she said anything more, Hyunjin is prompted to continue when Heejin raises an eyebrow at her, “You- uh, you look incredible. You’re making everyone else here look bad.”

(And everyone Hyunjin saw before Heejin had looked _beautiful_ ).

Heejin laughs that giggle she always does when Hyunjin compliments her. (Hyunjin can begin to feel her heart heal again at the sound).

“Well, Hyunjin, if I didn’t know better, I think you’d be one of the models here.”

Hyunjin flushes a devastating pink, her ears flushing painfully too. Gulping her drink to loosen her shoulders and buffer the slight awkwardness between them, it’s Heejin’s laugh that cuts through the uncomfortable tension, “It’s nice seeing you, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin nods in agreement. But, before she can appropriately reply, the man she would prefer to never see in her lifetime approaches them and taps Heejin’s shoulder.

Cologne reeking of “Asshole” and smile spelling “Douchebag,” Hyunjin has to stop herself from gagging when he gets closer.

“Heejin! Pleasure to see you tonight.”

Heejin’s smile is polite—far from genuine, however.

Silently watching their interaction, Hyunjin is painfully aware of how rigid Heejin’s body becomes, her eyes losing their shine as she turns towards him.

“You too, Hansol.”

**H** ansol smiles and it makes Hyunjin’s skin crawl, “So when are you going to accept my offer, Heejin? Models would get on their knees for this opportunity with me.”

Hyunjin feels her eyes twitch at his comment—she really wants to bash her drink on this sexist dickhole’s head, but she holds herself back. Another lash out would _not_ look good for her or her company. And plus, it’d be a waste of alcohol and money.

Uncomfortable with his language, Heejin stumbles with her words, “Um- I- I haven’t decided yet.”

Hansol winks. (Was that supposed to be charming?)

“Well, you better hurry and choose otherwise I’ll have to find a way to force you.”

If it weren’t for Heejin backing away from him, Hyunjin would have dealt with the consequences for throwing a punch at the entitled prick invading their space.

“Watch what you’re saying, Hansol.”

Shocked, as if he didn’t see Hyunjin standing behind Heejin, Hansol exaggerates friendliness, “Ah! Hyunjin! Pleasure. I’m still wondering if you’ll ever let me in your pants.”

Hansol wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, “Actually, why don’t the both of you let me into your pants and show me a good tim **e.”**

Hyunjin hates how it doesn’t sound like a question, hates that Hansol had the audacity to be so disrespectful, hates that Heejin has to deal with him. Having enough of him and his suffocating superiority and harassment, Hyunjin mentally aims her drink at his face before throwing the alcohol in it at Hansol.

(Hyunjin has to stop herself from cheering, “Bullseye!” when Hansol has to wipe away at the alcohol coating his face with his hands).

Hyunjin likes how shocked and disgusted and angry Hansol looks. Feigning concern and apology, Hyunjin doesn’t give him the decency of bowing because he didn’t deserve an inch of her respect, “Oops! I slipped.”

Dragging Heejin away from him and taking her to the open balcony before he could say anything more, Hyunjin breathes in the fresh air to calm her down.

She almost forgot how infuriating that man could be.

“You can’t always save me like that, Hyunjin. I appreciate what you did. I really do because I hated how helpless he made me feel but you can’t come in and protect me like I’m some damsel in distress and you’re my knight in shining armor. I’m a big girl. I can figure out how to handle my own battles without you, Hyunjin.”

(Hyunjin hates how hearing her name falling from Heejin’s lips doesn’t sound like a melody anymore, the comforting sound of heartbeats. Wretched, it sounds like heartbreak instead. It reminds her of how shattered Heejin looked when she wasn’t brave enough to fall with her. It reminds her of the kind of coward she is. She hates it).

“I’m sorry. I just- hated how he was talking about you. And me. I never wanted you to work with him for that reason.”

Heejin sighs tiredly, “Hyunjin, he’s not the first man to make me feel degraded. And he won’t be the last. I have to learn how to deal with it on my own.”

Hyunjin can’t help how her voice raises, the passion that she feels at this injustice riling her up, “You shouldn’t have to deal with it, Heej! No one should ever have to deal with feeling unsafe.”

Leaning against the banister, Heejin closes her eyes in exhaustion. Being away from Hyunjin had given her heart some kind of reprieve, but still, she had missed her every day she didn’t see her. Every day, Heejin would debate on sending a text—thought about how easy it would be to reach out to the other girl—and every day, Heejin stopped herself from sending a text even if her thumb hovered right over the send button of a message she spent minutes crafting. 

“You’re right, Hyun. No one should. But we do. And we have to deal with the bullshit because it’s part of our job. It sucks and it’s so fucking exhausting, but I love what I do. So, I deal with it.”

Looking at Heejin, Hyunjin feels her heart race in her chest. She welcomes it this time. 

Hyunjin might love Heejin. (She definitely loves Heejin). 

(The thought of it doesn’t scare her anymore. Having Heejin away from her was worse than dealing with the skeletons of her scars. Hyunjin supposes that heartbreak, if it’s Heejin breaking her heart, is worth the pain).

And she’s not afraid to admit it this time.

It helps that Jungeun had a talk with her during one of the nights that she cuddled into her friend for comfort, needing someone to make her feel less lonely.

_Holding her and feeling just how much Hyunjin needs her by how she clutches at her shirt, Jungeun’s voice is almost desperate, “Can you just be honest with yourself, Hyunjin? Please? I know falling in love scares you and you don’t want to get hurt again, but, it’s better to be loved and love than not at all. Don’t hide away. Don’t hide behind your camera. Don’t make Heejin wait because someday, even if I know she feels something for you too, she’s not going to wait for you anymore. She can’t wait forever and maybe that thought doesn’t scare you, but you said it yourself, Hyun. It’s better to try than not at all. You know better than I the kind of woman that she is and what she makes you feel. Please, please don’t let your mind speak over your heart—it needs to be heard.”_

_(The thought of Heejin loving someone else did scare her. It made her heart ache in a way that Hyunjin wouldn’t ever want to feel again. Had she already fallen so hard that she had to chase the opportunity to love to save herself from the pain of ever not?)_

_(Hyunjin knew the answer. Yes, unequivocally so. She hopelessly fell for Heejin the moment she first saw her smile, heard her voice, felt how Heejin could care for her)._

_Softly pleading with vulnerable eyes so full of love and concern, Jungeun clutches at her hands, as if she was desperate to get her friend to listen to her, “Falling in love with you was one of the greatest things I’ve ever done in my life, Hyunjin. Even if I’m with Jiwoo now and I’ll love her until the fucking sun falls from the sky, I wouldn’t take you back. You’re my first too, Hyun, but, don’t let me be your last. I don’t deserve to have that spot in your life.”_

If Heejin asked her about what she feels for her, Hyunjin would spend the rest of her days telling her what she feels, the rest of her nights making sure Heejin feels it. 

But the other girl hasn’t asked. And Hyunjin doubts that she will.

Why would she when she got her heart broken last time?

As the gala comes to an end and everyone leaves, Sojung moves her colleagues to a nearby bar, prolonging the party for those who wanted to celebrate still. At this time, Hyunjin had grown tired of the weight on her shoulders. It’d be nice to drink herself to oblivion. And plus, Jungeun and Jiwoo were still lingering around, promising to take care of her when she needs it.

After the gala ended, Hyunjin couldn’t find Heejin in the crowd anymore.

The tiring feeling of emptiness settles back into her heart and it makes her weary. She’s sick of this loneliness. If Hyunjin had the confidence, maybe she would take the chance to confess to Heejin—to put her heart on the line because Heejin is always worth the risk.

But, it’s not the fear of Heejin not feeling the same that held her back. What if Heejin wanted space still? What if she was still healing? Or had healed and didn’t need Hyunjin crawling back to reset her progress? No, it was better to be considerate to her than selfishly chase her desire—Heejin deserved that much at least. Not realizing that the more she mulled over the matters of her heart, the more she drank, and the more reckless she got by consequence.

Drunk Hyunjin never made the greatest decisions. This was one against her better judgement.

**_Kim Aeongie:_ ** _im durn k adn i m sis y ou so bad_

**_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _???_

 **_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _are you okay hyunjin?_

**_Kim Aeongie:_ ** _can yo ucall me hyun a gai n? ?? ? hyunj in does nt sound rig ht comign fro m you : (_

**_Jeon Heejin ^•^ :_ ** _where are you?_

**_Kim Aeongie:_ ** _so me bar! !!! i d r ank AL O T_

Remembering that Hyunjin was still sharing her location with her, Heejin finds that Hyunjin is at the bar close to where the gala was held. Picking up her car keys and slipping on a sweater, Heejin doesn’t even have it in herself to be annoyed at Hyunjin.

Finding the girl at the bar with glasses of cups in front of her, Heejin doesn’t have to guess that Hyunjin had to have more to drink than she should have. Sidling next to her and gently putting her hand on her shoulder, the photographer startles until she slowly recognizes who had touched her. Smiling widely at first, Hyunjin’s eyes in crescents, it fades just as quickly as it came. Almost panicking while she rambles, Hyunjin smacks her hand against her head before chastising herself and profusely apologizing with big pleading eyes, “I’m s- sorry, Heej! You told- told me you needed space. Fuck, I’m such a- a selfish asshole for texting you like this. Not- not to take care of me. That’s what J- Jungeun’s for. I just- I wanted you close because I’ve missed you so badly and I texted you without- without considering what you might feel.”

Running a hand through the girl’s hair, Heejin has to stop herself from verbally cooing when the girl abruptly stops her rant, nuzzles into her hand, and gently smiles—content and at peace. (Truly, Heejin thinks that if Hyunjin were a cat, she would have started purring right then and there).

“Let’s get you home, Hyun. I’ll tell Jungeun and Jiwoo that I’ve got you and that they can enjoy their night. You’ve got work tomorrow and you’re gonna hate yourself if you don’t get all of the sleep that you possibly can.”

Walking to her car with Hyunjin sloppily leaning onto her, Heejin struggles to open her car door without dropping the other girl. Finally situating her inside and buckling her seatbelt for her because Hyunjin didn’t have the coordination to do it herself and settling into the driver’s seat, Heejin rolls the windows down. “If you feel like you need to throw up, tell me and I’ll stop the car for you, okay?”

Hyunjin nods, her eyes beginning to drag down and lazily opening again. Mumbling now with her head resting on the headrest of Heejin’s passenger seat as the girl drives, Hyunjin can barely keep her eyes open, her words fumbling around in her mind, “It’s dangerous to be around- around you when I’m drunk. I just wanna tell you all of my secrets. Like- like how I’m afraid of thunderstorms and rats. Or that- that I miss you so fucking much that I can’t- can’t sleep at night. I just- I just wanna- tell you that I-”

Hyunjin can’t remember feeling so sleepy, so intoxicated that her body feels like sloshy ice in a slushie just waiting to melt. The streetlights pass by in a dragged mess of colors. It makes her want to puke. Shutting her eyes and willing the nausea she feels in her stomach to go away because vomiting in Heejin’s car is such an asshole thing to do—on top of selfishly texting her simply because she missed looking into her pretty brown eyes and hearing her wonderfully comforting voice—Hyunjin feels motion move around her in a blur. As her vision fades away and her eyelids droop, she can barely hear Heejin’s voice calling for her. Muddled and muted, as if Heejin were speaking to her underwater, her words are incomprehensible. 

(But still, Heejin is bewildered. What did Hyunjin want to tell her? It sounded dire, as if she needed to say whatever she was thinking, like it had spent too long at the tip of her tongue that she needed to spit it out).

(Oh right, Hyunjin’s heart begs to tell Heejin that she likes her too, that Heejin is not alone in what she feels).

~.~.~

Has the sunshine ever been so damn bright? When Hyunjin blearily blinks her eyes awake, her head pounds painfully against her head and Hyunjin really regrets that sixth shot.

Wait.

Since when did she have a guitar in her room? She couldn’t even play the instrument?

_Wait_.

The feeling of an arm around her waist makes her suck in a breath. If Hyunjin didn’t recognize the smell (vanilla and cocoa), Hyunjin might’ve flipped her shit and ran away because she _cannot_ be doing the Walk of Shame, not when she had her walk of shame after that disaster fiasco with Heejin and Ryujin.

Unable to stop the smile that comes with the idea of Heejin holding her to sleep, Hyunjin has to stop her feet from swinging in excitement and happiness.

It felt so good to be held by Heejin. Hyunjin thinks that the one feeling that could rival it would be kissing Heejin.

  
Definitely.

Kissing Heejin had to be one of the best feelings in the world.

Snuggling into the pillow that smells of Heejin’s shampoo, Hyunjin thinks she might be in heaven. Or dreaming.

Feeling Heejin shuffle behind her, Hyunjin impulsively catches her arm from leaving, not ready to let her euphoria go.

Mumbling sleepily, voice deeper than Hyunjin could ever expect, Hyunjin can feel Heejin’s lips move against her back, “Gotta pee, Hyun, lemme go.”

Chagrined, Hyunjin lets go of her wrist with blushing cheeks.

The girl can barely catch Heejin’s last remark before she slips out of her room. It sounded a lot like, “You’re cute.”

She feels ridiculously giddy. Should it be possible to be _that_ happy while nursing a massive hangover? It really shouldn’t.

(Hyunjin knows Heejin could make the impossible happen).

When Heejin shuffles back into her room and unceremoniously flops back onto her bed, Hyunjin feels utter elation when Heejin scoots closer to her again, burying her nose in her neck while her arm comes back to rest around her waist.

Muffled from her back, Hyunjin comprehends Heejin’s sleepy talking, “Miss Kim gave everyone the day off and left a notice before we left the bar. Sleep and then we’ll talk about last night.”

As hours pass by, Hyunjin wakes up feeling much better, the glass of water Heejin left for her the night before aiding her recovery greatly. Hyunjin would like to stuff a greasy and carbo-loaded meal into her mouth and take some painkillers, but she figures that being held to sleep by Heejin beats out nutrition and getting rid of the headache pounding against the walls of her brain.

Still, Heejin ushers her out of her bed when she wakes and after eating a meal and taking painkillers, the two find themselves at Han River, sitting at the bench that they always sit at.

“Last night, you wanted to tell me something.”

Hyunjin closes her eyes as she revels in the relaxing blanket of sunshine, “Did I?”

Heejin hums and moves closer to Hyunjin.

“It sounded like you really wanted to say it too. Except you passed out.”

The chirping of birds fills the silence before Hyunjin speaks, “I’ve been wanting to tell you a lot of things. But I don’t know if you want to hear it.”

Heejin takes the hand on Hyunjin’s lap before lacing her fingers together, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Hyunjin peeks an eye open, “I don’t know? Do you still need space?”

Shaking her head, Heejin squeezes the hand in hers, “If I wanted space, I would’ve told Jungeun to take you home.”

Hyunjin smiles and it’s the first one in a long while that is broad and genuine. Hyunjin begins to feel her heart calling for Heejin earnestly, “You told me that you liked me at this bench. I came here every week that we weren’t speaking because it was the only place that helped me miss you a little less.”

Opening her eyes to look at Heejin, Hyunjin’s eyes are free, unguarded and open.

“How fitting is it that this place is where I tell you how I feel for you?”

If Heejin wasn’t fully paying attention to her before, those words make her heart stop, “I think I fell in love with you the moment you walked into the studio with that white dress. I remember my heart dropping and all I wanted to do was look at you for the rest of my life. And each moment I spent with you, I fell harder and harder. Except, I was terrified of falling for you. Falling in love, in general. Because getting hurt had scared me so much that I never wanted to feel heartbreak again. But I’ve learned and accepted that having my heart broken by you would be an honor. Because I love you. And I don’t want to repress it anymore. I’m not afraid, Heejin. You make me brave. And I love you.”

Speechless, Heejin is lost for words even if they all jumbled together in her mind. She has had dreams of this moment—Hyunjin holding her in her bed and telling her she loves her before falling asleep, kissing her at their stove while she cooks because Heejin can’t cook for the life of her, dreams of loving Hyunjin and being loved back. 

“What I feel is real, Heejin. This isn’t some dream or fantasy. I love you today and I will love you when the sun falls and rises again and again.”

Unable to do anything except for caressing Hyunjin’s soft cheeks and reading how the photographer feels for her in her eyes, Heejin’s heart sighs in relief knowing that Hyunjin loves her too. (It’s the same look the girl gave her when she stepped into the room, white dress and hair in a bun).

Hyunjin is in love and Heejin can hear it in the silence.

Pulling her closer, Heejin wants to remember everything about this moment—the sound of birds chirping, the gentle rush of Han River, how soft Hyunjin’s hands are, the tug of a smile she feels in how her cheeks rise, the feeling of her heart calling for Hyunjin.

Kissing Heejin feels like living again, breathing again. The emptiness in her heart no longer Heejin-shaped when the girl kisses her harder, breathless and happy. In between kisses and smiles, Heejin says the words she held back for so long.

Hyunjin wants to hear Heejin telling her “I love you,” for every day that she lives because she’d spend forever happily enchanted if Heejin kept kissing her and loving her in the way that only she could.

Later on, when Jungeun asks Hyunjin if she’ll be over for dinner, Hyunjin’s message back sends a rush of serotonin through her body.

**_Kim Jungie :] :_ ** _Dinner tonight?_

**_Kim Hyunjin (not the boy one) :_ ** _can’t. my gf wants me for tonight_ _＼_ _(^o^)_ _／_

**_Kim Jungie :] :_ ** _Gf???_

**_Kim Hyunjin (not the boy one) :_ ** _[picture attached]_

 **_Kim Hyunjin (not the boy one) :_ ** _heejin loves me :D_

**_Kim Jungie :] :_ ** _…._

 **_Kim Jungie :] :_ ** _Did she ask or you?_

**_Kim Hyunjin (not the boy one) :_ ** _why? did you bet against me >:(_

**_Kim Jungie :] :_ ** _I was on your side this time, loser._

**_Kim Hyunjin (not the boy one) :_ ** _i asked her!_

**_Kim Jungie :] :_ ** _I’m happy for you, Hyun. Be good to her, otherwise I’ll have to kick your ass._

Quickly texting Jiwoo, thrilled for her best friend for finally being brave. But also for helping her win the bet, Jungeun’s grin is proud and relieved. Looking at the picture of Hyunjin had sent, it was endearing to see the girls cuddled up together and content. Jungeun missed seeing happiness in Hyunjin's eyes.

**_Kim Moomin :3 :_** _Ha! I won the bet!! I’m expecting a full-body massage and a delicious omakase from you tonight, Jiwooming >:)_

**_Kim Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _yah! isn’t “at least three months” a bit too merciful? !?! ?! it took hyun 6 months to confess!!!!!!_

 **_Kim Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _SIX (6) months, kim jungeun!! and!!!!!!! you had to push her to do it!!!_

**_Kim Moomin :3 :_ ** _…_

 **_Kim Moomin :3 :_ ** _Fine._

 **_Kim Moomin :3 :_ ** _Halvsies on dinner and we take turns massaging each other?_

**_Kim Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _sounds wonderful, jagi ( ˘ ³˘)♥_

 **_Kim Jiwooming <3 : _ ** _i love you, moomin ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥_

**_Kim Moomin :3 :_ ** _ilyt_

**_Kim Jiwooming <3 : _** _-__-_

**_Kim Moomin :3 :_ ** _I love you too, Jiwoo :]_

**_Kim Jiwooming <3 : _** _:D_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for taking the time to read this! even if i don't get to it, i appreciate any feedback or comments. you can find me ontwitter and cc @kminjyus if you'd like to :D


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